Cross River Puns

It was a bridge to pho`.

Really wet

I need to decide on row v wade.

to get to the otter side

Wet

Thanks to my 9 year old daughter!

He took a leap of faith!

He swami across it.

Do you remember how to count to 10 in french?

Ok Good.

So there are two cats, an English cat and a French cat and they are trying to make it across a river.

The english cat is named "one,two,three" and the french cat is named "Un, duex, trois". Which cat makes it across the river?

... The English cat because the un duex trois quatre cinq

Me: "Hurry, honey, get a pencil and some paper!"

Her: scrambles around What? Why?

Me: "I saw a sign that said 'Draw Bridge'."

Her: ...

Dam it, Jim (Be gentle it’s my cake day)

But it ended up being just a ferry tale.

Tappan Zee Deutsche?

Because so many people have crossed the river.

there would be hell toupee..

If you ask me, they’re both perfectly good ways to cross a river.

Hey hey ho ho

• A plane flew over the jungle carrying 500 bricks. One of the bricks suddenly fell. How much bricks were left on the plane?

• How do you get an elephant in the fridge in 3 steps?

You open the fridge, put the elephant inside, and close the fridge.

• How do you get a giraffe in the fridge in 4 steps?

You open the fridge, get the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the fridge.

• An elephant and a giraffe compete in a race. Who won?

The elephant, because the giraffe was in the fridge!

• How many elephants can get in a green car?

4. 2 of them sittings in the front and the other 2 are sitting behind them.

• How do you know that there are 4 elephants in the cinema?

The green car parks outside.

• Why can't you see the elephants hiding in the trees?

Because they are really good at it.

• Why do elephants paint their balls red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

• What is the loudest noise in the forest?

Giraffes eating cherries.

• The lion is celebrating so he invited the whole jungle to his party. Who didn't show up?

The giraffe. He is still in the fridge.

• A squirrel was walking through the jungle when he crossed the crocodile river. Why the crocodiles didn't eat him?

Because they were in the lion's party.

• Before the squirrle got to the other side he died. How?

He got hit by a brick!

Tulane.

What's the best school for learning to cross wide rivers?

Fordham.

What's the best school for learning how to make onigiri?

Rice.

He said you had to see what type of river it was before you decide how to cross it.

First off a six-parter

1. If there are 500 rocks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left? A: 499
2. How do you get an elephant into a fridge? This is a three part process A: open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.
3. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? This is a four part process A: open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, close the door.
4. All the animals go to heaven for a meeting, but one can't come, why not? A: the giraffe, it's in the fridge.
5. A weak old lady has to cross a river full of alligators, how does she get across? A: the alligators are at the meeting in heaven.
6. As soon as the old lady gets across the river she dies, how? A: the rock fell on her head.

No 2 A real cool guy walks into a cafe. He wearing sunglasses, tidy haircut, but just a super cool guy all round. He orders a glass of condensed milk and puts it on his table. Next time the waitress walks past he asks for a glass of black coffee. Now he has a glass of milk and a glass of coffee next to each other, this guy is real cool. Next time the waitress walks past he orders a glass of ice. She's happy to do that for this dude because he is so cool. He mixes the milk and coffee with the ice and stirs with his little spoon. Looks good. The old man that owns the cafe walks up to him and says, 'I see your in the Navy". How did he know?

A: he was wearing a naval uniform.

Anyone know similar nonsense?

1. A brick fell out from an areoplane carrying 100 bricks. How many are left?
2. How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
3. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?
4. The Lion King had a bid ceremony but only one animal that did not attend. What was the animal?
5. An adventurer wanted to cross a river fulled with crocodiles. But he is not hurt after crossing the river. Why?
6. The adventurer dies after he walked away from the river. Why?

Answers

1. 99 left
2. Open the fridge, put it in, close the fridge.
3. Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put it in, close the fridge.
4. The giraffe.
5. Because all the crocodile went to the ceremony.
6. The brick fell on him and killed him.

They had to walk on a loose wooden bridge to cross the river. My stepdad started walking on it but my stepmom refused to walk on it until my stepdad reached the other side.

When I asked her the reason , she pointed to a sign which read "One step at a time"

I am not a dad at the moment, but I've learned the art of pretty clever puns in college. Some are mine, some are spins on inspirations, others are more on the joke side of dad.

What does a radioactive cat have?
18 half-lives

Ventriloquists are like psychiatrists, they both talk through things.

What is my vision?
To make the world 10% better?
No, it's about 20/20...

The invention of the shovel was truly a groundbreaking discovery.

Dad: I invested in some uranium, but I lost money.
Friend: What happened?
Dad: The Profit decayed.

We have received a report of a hole being discovered in the ground, our investigative team is looking into it.

There was an explosion at a local film manufacturing company, the story is still developing as we speak.

A local theater put together an act about jokes.
It was a play on words

Sø, I hêárd yöū lìkë föréigñ açćēńtš

As an airline mechanic would say, the job has lots of ups and downs.

My New Years resolution will probably be 25 megapixels, or 4K, not sure yet...

There was a river in Egypt no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Dad-Epitaph:
I thought I'd never live to see this day come.

There are two things that are guaranteed to open doors in life.
Push and Pull!

(How to keep an idiot in suspense)
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

A man builds robotic snakes for a living, I guess you could say he was a... python programmer!

A researcher's obsession with mixing stone, sand, lime, and water has yielded concrete results.

A madman once attacked a rider on his horse.
The rider had to goto hospital, the horse remains in stable condition.

A man bought a paper shop, it blew away in the wind last night.

Science is all about learning the rules, setting off an absurd amount of explosives, and then writing down what happened.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

Dad: Did you pick up your room?
Kid: No, I tried but it's too heavy.

We we're crossing a bridge where, if you look to the left, you see a cliff over a river with an old US Fort. I said "hey, look at the fort, that looks really cool." My dad: "You ain't bluffing."

While driving with my Mom and brother we passed several sets of power lines crossing over a river, many of which had marker balls on them. My mom asked why some of the lines didn't have balls, I told her it was because those were girl power lines.

Wet.

To get to the otter side.