What do you call a loud hearse?
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︎ Jun 30 2021
Why do hearses pass on the inside lane?
Because theyβre driven by under-takers.
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︎ Jun 11 2021
My hand slipped off the handle of the casket while carrying it to the hearse and left a deep bruise on my leg.
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︎ May 17 2021
A funeral director friend of mine bought a brand new Cadillac hearse.
People are dying to take a ride in it.
(As told by my friend the funeral director?
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Written on the side of a hearse in front of a hair salon...
Will Curl Up And Dye For You
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︎ Dec 01 2020
Driving behind a hearse, my wife asked βHow fast do you think a hearse can go?β
Me: I donβt think very fast at all
Wife: Why not?!
Me: Well I mean they have all that dead weight in the back...
Literally a conversation we had last night. She actually laughed out loud!
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︎ Jun 22 2019
Time to re-hearse
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︎ Feb 19 2020
I heard the England v Ukraine game was going to be postponed because a Ukrainian player has Covid
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︎ Jul 03 2021
Nice hearse
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︎ May 11 2020
My grandpa pointed to a flock of geese and said, βdo you know why their v formation is uneven?β
Because thereβs more on one side
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︎ May 29 2021
A hearse is driving up a very steep street
A hearse is driving up a very steep street and once it gets near the top, the back door opens up and the coffin comes shooting out of the hearse and rolls down the street.
People are diving out of the way, cars are swerving, itβs chaos! By the time it reaches the bottom of the hill it has picked up a lot of speed and crashes into a wall surrounded by people.
The door pops open, the body sits up and says βDo you have anything to stop this coughin?β
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︎ Jun 04 2020
If it weren't for the t.v. and refrigerator being in different rooms....
I'd never get any exercise.
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︎ Jun 02 2021
V-egg-tor
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︎ Apr 07 2021
Saw a 70's t.v. program about 2 detectives who solve crimes over the phone.
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︎ May 08 2021
If pronouncing all my "V"s like "B"s, makes me sound Russian...
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︎ Sep 13 2020
a flying v-kachu
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︎ Mar 08 2021
A hearse is actually a very popular car.
People are dying to get in it.
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︎ Sep 16 2019
Aloe-v you so much little friend
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︎ Feb 13 2021
The ugliest car ever? It's got to be the hearse.
Wouldn't be seen dead in one of those.
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︎ Oct 10 2019
Mr V.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
I saw a hearse today carrying a wreath that spelled βDadβ...
I think they left the βEβ out...
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︎ Jun 30 2018
What are ducks favourite t.v. programmes ?
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︎ Mar 03 2021
When migrating birds fly in the shape of a V, do you know why one side is always longer than the other?
That side has more birds.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
How do you humiliate a reality t.v. star ?
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︎ Jan 31 2021
As a dad, I won't let my kids watch any shows on t.v. with orchestra in it....
Too much sax and violins.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z
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︎ Dec 25 2020
Why do they condition hospital I.V. bottles?
Because everyone loves smooth saline!
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︎ Feb 10 2021
A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?
Because they're all not 'C's.
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︎ Dec 11 2019
Have you heard the joke about the hearse that only carries midgets?
The delivery is always a little stiff.
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︎ Jul 20 2018
Did you hear that they're replacing two letters of the alphabet? Instead of T, you have to say "Clowns". Instead of V, you need to say "Jokers". I refuse to use them, but I was singing the alphabet when they changed them, so I have a problem...
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with U.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
120 degrees
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︎ Dec 08 2020
When flying in V formation one side's often longer than the other. Do you know why that is?
That side has more birds on it
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︎ Jan 08 2021
My hearse got a flat. It took meο»Ώ 2 hours to fix the problem.
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︎ Jul 02 2017
Why don't owls fly in a V formation?
Because if they did they'd be vowels.
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︎ Oct 13 2020
Was gonna tell you a time travelling joke but..
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︎ Mar 04 2021
What was the hearse doing at the gym?
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︎ Oct 17 2015
If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian,
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︎ Jan 22 2021
If pronouncing my 'b's' as 'v's' makes me sound Russian....
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︎ Jan 31 2021
When geese fly in a V, why is one side of th V always longer than the other side?
There's more geese on that side.
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︎ Jan 12 2021
When geese are migrating they form a "V" shape, but do you know why one side is always longer than the other?
Because there are more geese on that side.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
When ducks fly in a V one side is always longer. Do you know the reason?
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︎ Nov 28 2020
A little Christmas song. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...
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︎ Dec 02 2020
If pronouncing my Bβs as Vβs makes me sound russian...Then soviet.
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︎ Aug 25 2019
When geese fly in a V formation, one side is always longer than the other. Do you know why that is?
There are more birds on that side.
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︎ Oct 29 2020
Why is one side longer then the other when ducks fly in a V?
Because thereβs more ducks on that side
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︎ Dec 09 2020
When ducks are flying south, they fly in a V formation. But one side is always longer. Do you know why?
There's more ducks on that side.
(As told by my father)
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︎ Jul 08 2020
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