What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The look on their face when your nailing them! Bada Bing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kbetter1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.

Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ben716
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Went to the store yesterday and bought a single cherry and some microphone equipment

Bought-a-Bing, Bought-a-boom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peon2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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I went shopping at a cherry stand and then a microphone store.

Bought a Bing. Bought a boom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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I just caught my son googling porn web sites, and I’m completely heartbroken.

We are strictly a Bing family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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My last joke got taken down.

Here's a mirror.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSulley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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Bowie and Bing Crosby meet up in heaven…

David Bowie: "You look a bit down in the dumps, Bing. What's wrong?"

Bing Crosby: "my inflatable arsehole needs blown up."

Bowie: "Do you want to borrow my rubber bum pump?"

Bing: "Rubber bum pump?"

Bowie: "Rubber bum pump."

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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What shows you porn and sounds like a microwave?

Bing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DFYX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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What’s the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

Bing sings but Walt Disney.

EDIT: to avoid some possible confusion I’ve changed β€˜and’ to β€˜but’.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gopnikolai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
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What does a Clock do when hungry?

It goes back four seconds.

Credits to Cortana (or Bing)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/samer409
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2015
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If Microsoft had a statistical AI in China that dealt with search queries, it would be called....

An Asian Bayesian Beijing Bing Being

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nightmare1zero1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2016
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Prison Mike in the making

So my 5 year old son always asks what I’m watching or playing (video games) and most of the time sits and watches for a while.

I had been binge watching The Office, so of course he would overhear most of the jokes. One day we were over our friends house who has a daughter my sons age. We sit down to eat some burgers and hot dogs, and out of nowhere my son belts out β€œDON’T DROP THE SOAP!”.

We all died laughing.

He shall be a good dad someday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smorts56
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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My teacher was talking about making checklists.

And I could barely keep myself from asking, "What about Yugoslavia lists?"

Shamelessly stolen from Chandler Bing, the master of dad jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FX114
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2013
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Dan glanced at the small watch he kept clipped to his belt, and smiled.

"I swear, this is the most convenient object I own. It appears my schedule would indeed allow for a light Netflix binge," he said, time-waistingly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelastcubscout
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2017
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The moment I realized I was becoming my Dad.

So my girlfriend and I were binge watching Netflix one day, and she always brings a glass of water with her and leaves it in the window sill next to my bed. At this point there were probably like 6-7 cups in the window because I haven't cleaned in a while. Anyways, she asks me "Can you put my bra somewhere? It's driving me crazy". To which I reply, "Sure, I'll just put it here with the rest of your cups". I cried laughing for hours over this, she never even cracked a smile.

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πŸ“…︎ May 03 2016
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Microsoft's search engine is the best one for adult entertainment (porn). But after I used it, I cleared my browser history. I might have a disorder, because...

I Binged and purged.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pjabrony
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2015
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Told my friend this one tonight.

I'm watching the Purge trilogy tonight. I guess that means I'm bingeing and Purging.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CineKayla
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2017
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My Dad dropped this one this morning.

I walk downstairs to find my parents sitting at the computer discussing directions to an upcoming family event. Mom: How can Google and Bing give you completely different directions and both are wrong? Dad: That's because one is from the west coast and the other is Chinese. Me: Bing is not a Chinese company. Dad: Sure it is. Bing bong ching.

I... I was not sure how to react to this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drew_do_voodoo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2014
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So you're Binge Reading?

This was to my younger sister.

Me: "what are you reading?"

Her: she holds up her book and the spine says "Binge"

Me: "So you're Binge reading?"

And she rolled her eyes harder than I've ever seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dchris4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2015
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Went shopping for cherries and a microphone the other day.

Bought a bing. Bought a boom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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I went shopping for cherries and a microphone the other day...

Bought a bing. Bought a boom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/htimsmith
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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I went to go shopping for cherry's and microphones the other day

Bought a bing bought a boom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__st4__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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Purchased a cherry and a microphone

Bought a bing, bought a boom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/latelobster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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Went shopping for a cherry and a microphone...

Bought a bing, Bought a boom..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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I went shopping for cherries and microphones the other day

Bought a bing, bought a boom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/retinapro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2017
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Went to the store yesterday to buy a cherry and a microphone stand.

Bought a Bing, bought a boom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mycareer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
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