property owners gone festive!
πŸ‘︎ 604
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotdamnitsolivia
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
None of the other subs seem to appreciate my festive Gingerbread house. Maybe you folks would appreciate it?
πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnyrizzle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
With the holidays near, to set a festive atmosphere at your table, be sure you have a shiny chrome plate to hold your condiment sauce. Why?

Because there is no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend has a lot of knowledge about Islamic festivals.

She's really eiducated.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sunflower_44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Some bastard has taken my festive German fruit bread

I think it was stollen

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sgtjenno
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My town throws a festival for the salmon spawn each year. This is what they call companies that contribute a significant amount of money.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBrontosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I am scared of small, festive grottos.

I am Santa Claustrophobic

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm starting up a festive business where I attach Christmas bells to men's neckwear..

Good Tie-dings to all men!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A Little Town In Mexico And Their Love Of Mayonnaise

There was a little town in Mexico, right across the border from Texas. They got a taste for Mayonnaise from the Cowboys crossing the border to eat. Soon they created a festival for their love of Mayonnaise. They’d have every type of mayonnaise you could think of. Folks loved it. The 10th anniversary of the festival was coming up and they decided they wanted to do something special. They heard of a place in England that made the worlds very best. They placed their order and was told it would be shipped overseas to them by boat. Because they had placed such a large order, the only ship capable of carrying it was the Titanic. The folks were waiting excitedly until the morning that the Titanic had hit a iceberg. When the news came that they wouldn’t get their shipment and to honor those lives lost, they decided to rename their festival. It became known as β€œSinko De Mayo.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedDirtCountryBoy
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, is the Renaissance festival canceled this year?”

Dad: Yes, because of Covid.

Son: No fair!

Dad: That’s what I said.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I once slept with a girl I met during a festival, but we didn’t utter a word to each other before, during or after.

And I must say, it made it rather in-tents.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/archiewalton09
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the Egg go to the Comedy festival?

He heard that the comics had the crowds cracking up

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snuffy_tentpeg
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard they’re making Christmas themed tampons?

They’re for the festive period!

πŸ‘︎ 113
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The festival of lights
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ginganinja709
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
iPhone developers party was full of clumsy festive drinkers again says Apple in cider
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pelomTEN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A Festive Snack
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/l30P
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I got food poisoning at a German festival

It was the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 146
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tinytiz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I have updated the alphabet for festive period. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z

No-el no-L

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RikM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I always thought that organizing the Amsterdam Light Festival would be a heavy task

But it turns out to be quite light

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GijsHuisman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
There should be a music festival in the Middle East called Lollafallujah
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ipariah
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Who is this band, "Many More"? I always hear them advertised at festivals but I don't think I've ever heard one of their songs
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/D3ltaforc3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a scarecrow festival this weekend

They were outstanding in their field

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/endangeredpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Heard a dad joke at Bonnaroo Music Festival

Was at the Kanye (Yeezus) performance this weekend and he kept doing this thing where he would start playing a song then cut it off about five seconds in and rant about something. The third time this happened a guy behind me yelled "More like Teezus, am i right?"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Throat_Bruiser
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2014
🚨︎ report
Grammer on point
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Overheard at a music festival:

"Dude, you want some of this Molly?"

"No thanks, I've got visitation rights for my kid this weekend."

"So?"

"So, I've already got my ex to see."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I took my dad to a blues-classical music festival last weekend.

He didn’t care for it. Too much sax and violins.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/razortongue71
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
This town has a festival every year for the spawning salmon. They are rife with fish puns. It’s my favorite time of year.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBrontosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Fyre festival is being investigated

I guess no one's above the ja ruul of law

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my Dad that my wife and I were going to a Harry Potter themed beer festival.

He said, "Try not to catch Hogwarts".

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/T1GKnudsvigr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Hotdog Stand at a Festival
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/minerva_sways
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm a street performer at the Minnesota Renaissance Festival. I tell punny jokes there, thought you'd enjoy them.

The King is in love with the Spanish Armada, in fact you could say he warships it.

I got into a fight with a group of jesters, I escaped by going for the juggler.

I recently read "Gulliver's Travels" it was a Swift read.

Have you read the book about traveling through hell? It's a Dante-ing read.

Q: How many animals can you fight into the Lord High Sheriff's tights? A: Ten piggies, two calves, a rooster and an ass.

Vikings raided the royal cheese supply, they left nothing behind but de Brie.

I met a wizard, I told him he looked like a mana action.

The unskilled mason forget to put a water supply in the new castle. He did not keep well.

The angry archer was so surly he had everyone convinced he was a cross bowman.

The failed stone cutter also lost his job as a bounty hunter. He could never find his quarry.

The nun kept spilling sacramental wine on herself. She made a bad habit of it.

The pope enjoys chocolate on his boat. He like sailing indulgences.

The pope loves summer, they say he is infallible.

Two fae fell in love. They keep fauning over each other.

The knight suffered from boils, he had to get them lanced.

Why did the wood nymph use some much lotion? Because she had dryad skin.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kbdekker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2016
🚨︎ report
This festival food truck
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/family_reunion182
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Someone asked me how expensive the festival was.

Obviously its going to have Fair prices.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/n3rv0u5
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I got philosophical in the lavatory line at the Shakespeare festival.

To pee or not to pee: that was the question.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mephron
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I’ve been selected to hide eggs in my town’s big Easter festival next year!

This is an eggs-hiding opportunity!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jhabibs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, will you pay for my ticket to the renaissance festival?”

β€œSorry, son. I’m baroque”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nonficshawn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My town's local art festival this weekend missed an opportunity to call itself Total Eclipse of the Art.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HyperFrosting
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2017
🚨︎ report
A futon's favorite musical festival
πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
🚨︎ report
I went to a local festival and I thought it was just alright.

I think that's a fair assessment.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMagicalMark
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, can I go to the Renaissance festival?”

Dad: No. You’re grounded.

Son: No fair!

Dad: That’s exactly what I said.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, can I go to the renaissance festival?” Dad: β€œNo, you’re grounded.”

Son: No fair!!

Dad: Exactly what I said.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, can I go the Renaissance festival?”

Dad: No, it’s too dangerous.

Son: No fair!

Dad: Yes, that’s exactly what I said.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, can I go to the Renaissance festival?”

Dad: No, you are grounded.

Son: No fair!

Dad: That’s exactly what I said!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My son asked me, β€œDad, can I go to the Renaissance festival?” I said, β€œNo. You are grounded.”

Him: No fair!

Me: That’s exactly what I said.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.