It’s my wife’s birthday next week and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogs all over our house.
So I got her a magazine rack.
What's black and white and red all over?
what sport starts with a t, has 4 letters and is played all over the world?
This guy knocked me to the ground and poured soy sauce all over me
I was like "come on, don't Kikkoman when he's down"
My wife said my driving made her scribble all over her student's paper
I told her not to grade on a curve
I've been searching all over YouTube for my favorite U2 song
But I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Did you hear what the Italian chef yelled out when he spilt sauce, cheese, and pepperoni all over his legs?
“Mama Mía! I pizza my pants!”
If you wanna hear if someone's at your door, rub green chicken curry all over it.
Honestly, don't knock it till you've Thaid it.
I was making pancakes this morning and spilled the pancake mix all over my legs
My feet were alright but my shoes were battered.
*pulls out knife* HAND OVER ALL YOUR FRUIT JAM!
When my wife got home, she had fruit preserves all over her car.
It was a serious traffic jam.
Bees are different all over the world
For example, Canadian bees make honey and USBs go into computers
I asked my friend who lives in Saudi Arabia what he thought about the Iraq war. He said he had no idea what I was talking about. Shocked I said, “ what? Its all over the news, have you been living under Irock?”
Why did the pig get ink all over itself?
Because it lives in a pen.
What’s old and grey and wet all over?
Me getting out of the shower.
I know times are tough for a lot of people right now. All over the planet, humanity struggles with problems that seem to never go away... just remember, you can always rest assured that at the end of the day...
What are small, annoying and can be found all over San Francisco?
The cat walks all over my keyboard while I’m gaming.
And just as I’ve always told my parents I have to tell the cat, “I’m playing online, I can’t paws it.
I've been on this sub for over a year. Here are all the unwritten rules:
Sneezed all over my toast
I can’t believe it’s snot butter
What is the least spoken language all over the world??
What’s black, white and red all over
I’ve lived all over the country but only ever in one state. Which one is it, you ask?
What type of Jim is constantly getting stepped on and walked all over?
I found a coin on the street the other day, and it had teeth marks all over it.
My dad spilled a pot of paint all over himself and was really upset
I said ‘it’s okay, mistakes happen. You don’t need to be so emulsional’
Out of all the inventions over the last 100 years,
The dry erase board is probably the most remarkable.
I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once
It was a bad idea in Heinz-sight
Great company. Legs all over the place after a few drinks
Walked into my baby son’s nursery only to see my wife standing in poop with it smeared all over the walls and furniture asking, “Who did this?!”
I said it was not apparent.
I just can’t seem to get along with people who obsess over and think about laundry all the time….
They’re just so clothes-minded.
I was dropping hints all over the place.
ICBMS are targeted for locations all over the world.
OMG, the commute home was awful last night! Ya see, a tractor trailer carry laundry detergent crashed and spilled detergent all over all four lanes...
Traffic was Tide up for hours.
Just when I thought today couldn't get any worse, an unknown assailant threw soy sauce all over me.
Whoever it is sure knows how to Kikkoman when he's down.
News just in, a lorry carrying onions has sheded its load all over the M1 motorway.
Motorists are advised to find a hard shoulder to cry on
What is something all mom and dad over the world have in common?
My wife knocked over the French press and it spilled all over the kitchen
This is grounds for divorce!
After a guy called the Apple store about a problem with his iPhone he smeared Vaseline all over the phone.
The Genius Bar guy said he needed an app-ointment.
I smeared ketchup all over my glasses.
Too bad I only realized what a mistake that was in Heinz sight
Along with the Antimatter and Darkmatter, Physicists in collaboration with volundads (dads who volunteered, from all over the world) have discovered the existence of another matter called
Doesn't matter, which seems to have no effect on the universe whatsoever
It's my wife's birthday next week and she's been leaving jewelry catalogs all over our place
So I got her a magazine rack
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