96.3 Puns

My freshman year in high school (96-97), I was in choir, and we drove up in a big coach bus to Magic Mountain for a choir competition.

Approaching San Onofre, the driver told us a "little known fact" that if you put your hand on the window while passing under those jumbo power lines coming from the plant, you can feel a moderately painful shock. Being gullible teenagers, a lot of us tried it.

We passed under, and the driver asked if we felt any pain. There were scattered replies in the negative. The diver said, "You didn't feel the window pane?"

...which was "Thirsty".

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/96/SmirnovVS_KnMihailChern.jpg

DAD: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

MOM: Awww... Yes!!!

DAD: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

90+91+92+93+94+95+96+97+98+99 =945 !!!!! Ba dum tss!!!

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/e8/55/96/e855965784a4d8df7085dd5cdb59d011.jpg

There was concern that they might have died from Avian Flu. An avian pathologist examined the remains of the crows, and to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not avian flu. The cause of death was vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the birds beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that nearly 96% of the crows had been struck by trucks, while only 4% were car impacts.

The MTA then hired an Ornithological Behavourist to determine the reason for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills vs car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat roadkill, they have a look-out crow nearby to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah!", none could shout "Truck!"

Note: even though my great grandmother made this joke I feel it was dad-joke worthy.

While visiting my great grandmother (she's 96 yrs old during this time) recently she asked my dad for a foot massage, my dad happily obliged. She told him that he'd made her so proud in life to have a grandson like him and how wonderful he is while receiving the foot massage. My dad have the best massage he could muster for a good 30 minutes before he was too tired to continue. When my dad had finished massaging her feet he asked "how was that grandma?" Which she replied with "I haven't felt anything in my feet in 10 years" then she burst out laughing to the best that her health would allow. She passed away a few weeks later, she always played jokes on us even to her last days. Thanks for reading.

Rest in peace great grandma

TL:DR grandma needs new legs.

I DEMAND that you SUPPLY me with answers to the following questions:

p. 96 #'s 1, 2, 3, 6, 8, 9, & 11 finish for Monday

90 + 91 + 92 + 93 + 94 + 95 + 96 + 97 + 98 + 99 = 945

90+91+92+93+94+95+96+97+98+99=945

90+91+92+93+94+95+96+97+98+99=945

90+91+92+93+94+95+96+97+98+99 = 945