A list of puns related to "9 Pm"
I'm staying at her mothers house, and she said, it's only 8:30 pm and everyone's already ready for bed.
My niece chimes in and says, "not me.", to which i respond, "You don't count."
Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes i do. One, two, three, four."
I read that in a medical journal on page 34 at 12:22 pm on September 23rd of last year.
Because yesterday at around 7:30 pm a clown who was wearing a colourful sweatshirt, pulled out a pair of scissors and stared at me. Luckily I had enough agility and I pulled out a rock, because if I would have pulled out a paper, he would have won
I received my first shot yesterday at 4:00 pm, and I wanted to let you all know that itβs completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and that I feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΞΏΜ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
Must be because itβs 5 pm.
I met a stranger oββn tββhe tββube tββhe oββther dββay. He didn't say 'hello', as a normal person might. Instead, he sββaid, "ββRemember Matt Damon".
That seems a little bit weird... but it gets weirder. The next day, I passed the same fellow on the street, while I was out walking my dog. He called out to me once again, "Remember Matt Damon".
But I finally cracked it and called the cops after the SAME guy tββapped oββn mββy bedroom wββindow, aββt 1ββ1.30 pm last nββight. He called to me, loud enough for me to clearly hear him through the glass, "ββRemember Matt Damon."
My conversation with the police then went like this:
Me: Officer, I think I have a stalker.
Policeman: can you tell me anything about this person?
Me: Well... uhhh... he reminds me of Matt Damon...
Because he is a PM, not an AM
2:30 AM: A woman accused of robbing a large bank in San Francisco
6:00 PM: A man accused of scamming high rollers in Las Vegas
9:00 PM: A man accused of shooting two rival gang members in Los Angeles
The last one: Keep him away from the Crip tonight
RenΓ© Descartes in the afternoon: βI think, therefore I pm.β
It was 9:50 PM and the giant shopping center near the PokΓ©mon trainerβs home closed at 10 PM. He was driving very fast to try and make it. Of course, he got pulled over. The officer approached the car and asked, βWhy were you going so fast, sir?β
His reply, βWell officer, I gotta catch a mall.β
A new postman on a route sees that in outgoing mail are several letters he delivered a day before. He thinks it's odd and redelivers them to the right mail boxes. Next day he sees the same letters again and he gets curious and sees that they all were addressed to same street. He redelivers them again to the right mailboxes. Same thing happens on the third day, so he thinks hard and formulates a hypothesis. He wants to confirm it, so he decides to stop his route delivery and wait there rest of the day.
Around 7 pm, he sees 4 men come to the mailbox, take their letters and put them back into the outgoing bin. The postman runs over to them and asks "hey, you guys use Reddit?" - they say "yeah, how did you know?", The postman says "all that reposting is pissing me off guys"
February 14th.
(it's 11:26 PM where I am so it's still Valentine's Day for me)
So I immediately pounced upon the opportunity and forwarded the time in his laptop by 6 hours.
When he returned, I said, "I'm leaving now. It's 5 PM already."
"Oh yes it is," He said, "See you tomorrow."
"It fucking worked!" I thought to myself, as I jolted towards home.
I then enjoyed my entire day and was sleeping peacefully at night, when my phone suddenly rang at 3:15 AM.
He said, "Hurry up, you're 15 minutes late for work."
Working on a little something. Give me your best and I will include you in the credits.
So far I only have: Coo Skywalker
Edit: thanks for all the replies! I will post game here soon, and pm those whose puns I end up using.
3:14 pm
Ryan: Are you Finnished yet?
Dave: No, but you bet Iβm Russian to fix it! Israelly confusing. Kenya help me out?
R: Sure.
Car makes weird sound
R: Guatemala with the car?
D: Iβm Czeching it out, and it seems like somethingβs wrong with a piston or two. You got any ideas, because Iran out. What a Spain. Oh well, letβs put some elbow Greece and try to finish it by tonight.
R: I hope so. Damn, tonight is a Chile one.
D: Yep, and itβs definitely China distract me.
R: Iβm kinda Hungary, I want Togo buy a sandwich or two.
Later
R: Oman, itβs already 9 Pm, thereβs Norway that we can fix it by tonight.
D: Thatβs what we are Guinea find out.
R: I will Taiwan more way to speed things up, but itβs pretty risky.
D: Well, we somehow Ghana find out. 10:30 Pm
R: Ok, Tur the Key!
Car turns on
D: Yes! The Caribb is ean! Uganda be kidding me! I canβt Bolivia did it!
R: Hey, I canβt Belize it either!
The following is my conversation through texts with him at 3:30 today.
Me: What's the address for the Xmas party.
Dad: Don't know I'll have to ask your mother
Me: What time is it?
Dad: 3:36 pm
Me: 3:36? Why not 3:37 or you know 3:35? Or even better... 3:30?
Dad: Cuz it's 3:39 right now
Me: ... What time is the party
Dad: oh you wanted to know what time the party is.
Me: ...
Dad: 3 pm.
Had me and my friends laughing so hard.
...I tell them very specifically on Sunday, June 4th at 7:41 PM GMT.
Me: Did you see a women named Theresa might be the new PM in the UK? Dad: hmm, yeah, Theresa May. Me: Yeah, she might.
So one night at around 11 PM my grandpa gets out of bed to go take a piss. He was loud while getting up and stirred my grandma. So my grandpa is in the bathroom pissing for what seems like minutes to my grandma. She gets up to go see why he's been going so long and peeks in to see my grandpa pouring water extremely slowly out of a pitcher into the toilet with a huge grin on his face haha
In chat with my project manager:
PM: Yeah, here's a beneficial time for us to be stagged
Me: indeed
PM: That should read staggered, though
Me: we are on the horns of a dilemma
Me: oh deer, that was a lame pun
Me: i should just buck the trend of bad humor
Me: doe! i did it again
PM: ...
Then I pasted the above conversation to another coworker:
Coworker: ha well plaid
Coworker: i meant played
Me: it really was a clash of the tartansGirlfriend: We should go to a 5 Seconds To Summer concert! [one of her favorite bands]
Me: We're too late. That would've been at 11:55:55 PM last night.
Girlfriend: ... oooOOOHHH because today is the first day of summer on the calendar!
My Dad sent me this list of punny sayings last Christmas. It explains a lot...
Punny sayings!
I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen.
Police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
Velcro - what a rip off!
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
Her: "Mommy, I'm poopy!"
Myself: "Hi poopy, I'm /u/PM_ME_YOUR_EYESMILE!"
Her: "Ugg! Don't do that!"
Myself: mad cackling
I'm not sure I should have kids.
It always aired from 9 to 10 PM. Every season, on the episode from 9PM to 10PM my dad would say, "Wow is this live?"
"[5/27/15, 12:58:38 PM] Steve: best dad joke ever... a guy goes to the zoo. there is only a single small dog. It was a shitzu"
Who is the greatest dad? Who can make people let out the biggest groan? Dads and mothers (and weird uncles), welcome to the DadOff!
Rules:
Each dad describes an experience with a dad joke in one sentence only. If you need a second sentence it MUST be the punchline! Make it short so dads can go through a lot of comments.
In your reply, try to out-dad the previous dad with a dandier joke. If the brilliance of your opponent has crushed you completely, you can forfeit by replying "Youre the Daddy".
The fight can continue as long as its punny.
At the end of a fight, i will count the karma for each comment and the dad with the most karma wins a groan point.
Mostly the fight is between two dads, though a third dad can come in if he has a line he just GOTTA say. Bear in mind though, that unless your reply is brilliant, you will have lower chances of winning (because they started sooner).
At the end of each day, i will count the karma and edit the post to announce todays winners. At the end of the week, i will count the groans, and the dad with the most groans will be the crowned Daddy of Dadjokes!
If anything is not clear, pm me and ill edit the post. Good luck Dads!
http://i.imgur.com/pmAoATm.jpg
Dad: you know lycanthropy is the ultimate form of PMS Me: how???? Dad: because once a month they get bitchy literally... Me: facepalm
In true Dad joke fashion, my father emailed me this list of puns
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
Β· When chemists die, they barium.
Β· Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
Β· A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
Β· I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
Β· How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
Β· I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
Β· This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
Β· I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
Β· I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .
Β· They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
Β· PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
Β· I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Β· A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Β· When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
Β· What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
Β· I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
Β· Broken pencils are pointless.
Β· What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
Β· England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
Β· I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Β· I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
Β· All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.
Β· I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Β· Velcro - what a rip off!
Β· Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
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