What do you call your mother's 80-year-old sister who is afraid of everything?

Aunt Eek!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrPeanut76
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?

Aye matey.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MeHaveZeroFriends
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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My 80 year old grandpa and 8 year old brother are starting a rap group.

I guess they're going to be called the 808s.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DNQuantum
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
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What does an 80 year old woman taste like?

Depends.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FYF69
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 24 2018
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Today, my dad told me how a pirate lets you know he's 80 years old.

"Aye, Matey."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/edwarides
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
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What did the 80 year old pirate say

Aye Matey (from my math teacher, who grows a pirate beard and plays Pirates of the Caribbean sound track during class)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Shadowklutching
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 24 2017
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Ever wonder what 80-year-old crotch tastes like?

Depends

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/blucifer87
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 03 2016
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Iron Bowl humor

Q: Did you hear that U of Alabama's library burned? A: It's true! They lost all 3 of their coloring books!

Q: What do you call a beautiful girl on campus at U of A? A: A visitor!

Q: What do a maggot and a U of A fan have in common? A: They can both live off a dead bear for twenty years.

Q: How many Alabama fans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 80,001. 1 to change the bulb, 80,000 to talk about how great the old lightbulb was.

Q: How do you make Alabama cookies? A: Put em in a bowl and whip em for 60 minutes.

Q: Did you hear Saban was going to dress up 20 players for the Iron Bowl? A: The rest will have to dress themselves.

Q: Alabama is changing their mascot to the Opossums. A: They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What do Alabama players get on their SATs? A: Drool.

War Eagle!!!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/joblessidiot420
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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My grandma just popped this one..

She is 80 years old and in bad health recently, and I never would expect her to say anything like this but my brother asked her 'how do you feel?' and she said 'with my hands.'

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/uancmb
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 19 2015
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I can do a double backflip

My dad and I are in the car driving home from school, and we start talking about amazing talents. Suddenly my dad says Dad: "I can do a double backflip" Me: "No way Dad, this is probably some silly dad joke" Dad: "No seriously I can, I watched an 80 year old woman do it on youtube, I'll bet you on it" Me: "Alright fine, show me when we get home"

We get home. My dad goes to the grass to do his famous double backflip. He jumps in the air. Bends his back a bit. Then behind his back he flips the bird with both hands.

Dad: "I guess you owe me for the bet"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TIFUmegareddit
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2015
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The running jokes..

For a little background my dad enjoys the more vulgar jokes. Anyway, he often jokes about his "company." In fact every time he answers the phone he answers as if it's a call towards his company.

(He answers the phone) "Hello this is the Viiiiibrator Repair Service." Caller - "the what?" Dad - "This is Dick Phitzwell's Vibrator Repair Service, as of right now only the installation department is available."

It's not a joke really cause there's no funny punchline. The caller normally laughs and then carries on with the call.

Another one he likes, "What does an 80 year old woman taste like?

Depends.."

The other day we are at the beach. We're walking back to our vehicle and he's carrying his metal detector in his hands. Random beachgoer - "Did you find anything?" Dad - "No, unfortunately my battery went dead... just like my ex-wife's 'curling iron' under her pillow."

There's many many more. I'll have to catalog them in some form. Let me know if you'd like to hear the life and times of Dick Phitzwell.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rentz3
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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That's cold

I overheard a father taking to his 3 year old child in Waitrose in the frozen section

Boy: Dad, that's ice Dad: ...Ice Baby. Boy: Huh, what do you mean? Dad: Don't worry, it's just a naff song from the 80's.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Albatraous
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 28 2015
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Elderly dad dishes out a zinger at the hospital

This son wheels his 80+ year old dad into the pacemaker clinic and the nurse yells "HOW ARE YOU FEELING?" The dad reaches out his hand and whispers "with my fingers."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tmarshall07
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 06 2014
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At the end of every class, we get this Professor Joke

My Property II Professor is about 80 years old. Class ends at 7:30. Clock turns to 7:30 and we start packing up. He announces: "I'm going to let you out 45 minutes early today, we'll make it up next time."

He's done this every class now.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BruinScott
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 11 2014
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What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?

Aye matey!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/proud-normie
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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