A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/halfs2010
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Two people are at someone's funeral

The host asks the guest, "Would you like to say a word?" The guest than goes up than says, "Bargain" The host starts crying and says, "That means a great deal."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChickenDinaa__
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I just bought a Thesaurus at the store and bought it home to find all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

πŸ‘︎ 196
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My 9 year old wanted me to post her joke here!

What does it mean when you find horseshoes? It means a horse is walking round in its socks!

I am so proud of her! Edit: wording.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Valenshyne
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Some puns/jokes I thought of:

What do you call a quick bigot?

>!A racist.!<

What is it called when you do drugs on a long drive?

>!A road trip.!<

What do you call a musical on a dictionary?

>!A play on words.!<

I've never heard these before, so I think they're original.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BetrThnYou
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman is at her deceased father's funeral.

The man sitting next to her asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?" "Absolutely", she responds. So the man walks up to the podium and clears his throat. "Plethora" he says. Then he comes and sits back down. "Thank you", the woman says. "That means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
To whoever stole my microsoft account, I will find you...

You have my word.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_NotSlimShady
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word".

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
"Trousers" is a fancy words for pants

It's a fancy pants word.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/misterspaceman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A bit of word play

I would love to hear your own jokes you have written that use word play or other punny techniques. Here is a joke I wrote:

My friend said, " Me and Holly are going to the mall today." I responded, "You mean, Holly and I." My friend, "You're such a grammar nazi! You know what I meant." I respond, "No, it is you who is a grammar nazi because you're anti-semantic."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kind-Today-8988
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
DROP YOUR BEST PUNS FOR HISTORY DRINKING GAME

I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.

Let's see what you can do!

What you need to know about the game:

  • You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
  • Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
  • You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.

That's basically it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyounr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe somebody stole my dictionary.

I’m at a loss for words.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I feel like if my family and friends were selecting the epitaph for my tombstone they would go with "He meant well."

Especially if my last words were "Help! I fell in the wall!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bleacher_seat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Help with puns for the name Samuel/Sammy/Sam?

What are some good puns for that name? (Preferably 1 word, instead of a whole phrase) thanks!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Modsareawesome
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I confronted my friend Mark because he refuses to return my dictionary.

I said, β€œMark, my words!”

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My 6 yr old son has an attitude problem at the dinner table. He barely eats and always makes the rudest comments about the home-cooked food we provide him, so tonight we tried alphabet soup.

I really hope he eats his words.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fordskis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I read a press release from Heinz saying: "We will never make a Bolognese version of our Alphabetti Spaghetti.

I thought, Blimey. They don't mince their words.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Pun for Saul

Does anyone have a one word type of pun for the name Saul, something like Saul n Pepper

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GlenDa3rd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Some people can't distinguish between etymology and entomology

They bug me in ways I can't put into words

πŸ‘︎ 143
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The Beatles looked out for eachother in preschool

"What is the second letter of the alphabet?" The teacher asked Ringo. But Ringo wasn't sure.

But because Ringo had found himself in a time of trouble, John came to him and whispered words of wisdom

"Letter B"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dwrk92
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Two butts are walking down the street and one farts

- "You took words right out of my mouth" says the other

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ricerly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Just curious...

Is there another word for synonym?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thepunis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Can someone connect mental health and dentistry in a pun?

I hope this appropriate to ask here. I am going to create a mental health support group on Facebook for Australian/New Zealand dental students and am needing a catchy/punny name. Currently there exists two mental health support groups that I know of on Facebook, both for dentists and not students. One is called Mental Dental and the other is called The Mental Block (alluding to the mental nerve in dentistry), so obviously I can't use those.

I'm not great with word games/etc so really appreciate any help. Thank you!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fallhaven
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œYeet”

Is a throw-away word.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1st10Amendments
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!

I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joshua_you-ng
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Physician: So you’re telling me that you have an obsession with a certain file type in Microsoft Office?

Me: Word, doc.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad was once playing the Game Of Life.

But strangely, he kept a dictionary as the only other player. I asked him what he was doing.

He said, β€œSon, in this game of life, you just need to play with words to make a good dad-joke!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keychainoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Little Timmy is in english class

Teacher: Timmy, tell me a word that begins with M

Timmy: Yesterday

Teacher: But Timmy, yesterday doesn't begin with M, begins with Y

Timmy: But teacher, yesterday was monday

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudumedel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone stole my thesaurus

I am at a loss for words.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A lot of people accuse me of plagiarism.

But those are their words, not mine.

πŸ‘︎ 766
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Theunkillable
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that this pen can write underwater?

It can also write lots of other words as well.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Czjasper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
You stole my copy of Microsoft Office. I will find you.

You have my Word.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ConfidentDuck1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Interviewer: "How good are you at PowerPoint?"

Me: "I Excel at it."

Interviewer: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word".

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person that stole my copy of Microsoft Office

I will find you, you have my Word

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chojin613
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a pen that can write underwater.

It can write other words too.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheShadyMerchant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that I can write underwater?

I can write other words, too!

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my Microsoft office licence ,I will find you

You have my word

πŸ‘︎ 180
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary

I said, β€œMark, my words!”

πŸ‘︎ 362
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I need a pun for Pinecone

I need to find a pun for the word pinecone

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crusadeLeader7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A lot of people accuse me of plagiarism

But those are their words, not mine.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Theunkillable
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.