3 Year Old Puns

Having a small party for my guitar and music obsessed soon-to-be 3 year old. Wanted to put some signs next to the food to make it more on-theme. We’ll be serving:

Chicken nuggets PB&Js (in the shape of guitars) Veggie tray Fruit tray Water & juice

I’m struggling to think of stuff. So far I only have Nirvana Nuggets (which I realize isn’t even a pun) and PB&J Richie Samboraches. Lame, I know 😂 Help me out if you can think of any more!

How did you know the basketball game was in trouble?

Because it was in timeout!

What is a cow's favorite drink?

A:a smoooothie

Me: do you want ranch or blue cheese? 3yr old: ranch is for horses

Little guy Caught me off guard lol

Because the chicken had the day off.

Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isn’t divulging her sources. Hilarious.

Edit: The first joke she’s told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)

What's wobbly in the sky A jellycopter

Not the best execution, but I'm happy he's joining the tradition of bad jokes

They wave.

He said "Maybe next time you should get premie carrots instead."

"NO I WANT A WHOLE BUN"

She's well on her way to being the dad I never had

My wife told my almost three year old son that they would be making Christmas cookies with frosting. My son then said he didn’t like frosting. When my wife asked why, he said it was because the frosting would “sting” him.

Frosting. Frost-sting.

I’m so proud of him.

Wow, that blue spider is so beautiful! It’s Blue-tiful!

I’m so proud.

Me: Mommy tells me that all the time.

He has a near photographic memory, I'm hoping one day when he's twenty he coughs out his cold cereal in college as he gets the joke.

Those are the years you’re in your prime

I don't think he need that lunch anymore. He already 8

It was the right triangle.

Mum: Wash your hands

Child: Ok Mum (starts to sing very loudly)

Mum: ....in silence!

Child: Don’t be silly Mum....we wash our hands in the sink!

Her: "Nothing"
Me: "We're all out of Nothing would you like something else?"
Her: "Banana"
DAD JOKES SAVE LIVES

He sure axolotl questions!

We were watching Cars 2. In this movie, there is a scene where one of the characters, 'Mater' (a happy go lucky 'southern' towtruck) eats a bunch of wasabi thinking it's pistachio icecream. My 3 year old turns to me and says " hehe, he ate spice-cream" then burst out laughing.

"F-U-C-K, I'll scream ahhhhh!"

"What was that, son?"

"If you see K-ocodile (crocodile), scream, 'AHHHHH!'"

Me: Do you pick your nose when you're on your tablet?

Child: No! I pick my nose other times too!

We were playing "restaurant", and this was a special restaurant that only only animals went to.

In the middle of playing a family of goats came to the restaurant and they were ordering their food.

"Daddy, what's the baby goat going to eat?"

"The kid's meal"

I cracked myself up

So my daughter was full last night, so I gave her the ol' "Hi Full, I'm Daddy!" for the very first time.

She paused, looked at me like I was dumb, and said "My NAME is not Full. I AM full."

"Hi Not Full, I'm Daddy!"

She paused again, and said "My NAME is not Not Full. I'm full!"

"Hi Not Not Full, I'm Daddy!"

She figures out that this could go on forever and cracks up laughing. When she finishes she looks at me with a glimmer in her eye and tells me "I feel full." She never says "I'm full" now, and always uses "I feel full."

I'm not really sure where to go from here, guys. Help?

It's Dinner time-

3y.o.: "Papa you spoon." ( which translates to - please feed me).

Me: "You spoon, I'm busy forking."

3y.o.: "Papa, fork yourself."

edit- Thank you for all the love. Forgot to mention the 3y.o. in question is a she.

“I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..”

“Really, what’s the name of his other leg?”

She tells both lines and laughs loudly saying “that’s funny Daddy”...

Love it.

I Scream - aaaarrrhhhhh...

Even better when actually a true story!

Fridge

I told him, "I think my feet are too big."

She said it was fine. I said won't there be repercussions?

Got an eye roll followed by a laugh.

Going over the alphabet with my 3 year old and he asks "What's after Z?"

"What's after Z? Well, it's Now."

"Now?"

"Now I know my ABCs..."

"Not funny."

My wife groaned, and my 6 year old shook his head.

Since its a big, it was touching the ground my whole time. I turn to my wife and say "Did you know T-Rex are mythical beasts? See it's a draggin'"

I absent mindedly let her kiss me this evening, so I went and washed my lips and swished some whiskey for good measure. I know its only 35% alcohol, but I figured it was worth a shot

Jerry Hat-Trick

Mikey won't fit in the hole

Yesterday, while eating dinner - my 3 year old daughter wanted a kiss from her mother.

Daughter: I want a kiss.

My daughter then proceeds to give her mom a kiss.

Me: I want 2 kisses.

Daughter then kisses her mom again.

Me: I want 3 kisses.

Kisses her mom again.

Me: I want 4 kisses.

She grabs her fork and puts it to my mouth, and says fork kiss! And laughs.

I'm so proud of her...hahahhaha

Edit: formatting (on mobile)

The other day my son, who is almost three, walks into the kitchen where I was cooking dinner. He looked up at the cabinet that has the cookies and such and pointed like he wanted something. I stoop down to pick him up and ask:

Me: "What's up, dude?" Son: (gesturing upwards like a Roman senator) "The ceiling!"

yep, yep it is kid.

Last night: Me: “let’s go to sleep, I’m tired.” Her: “hi tired I’m Lennon”

Today: Her (standing on her chair at dinner): “dad whats you’re favorite restaurant?” Me: “sit on your butt please” Her: “your favorite restaurant is ‘sit on your butt please?’”

I told her I dont think they will fit.

Daycare Lady: "does your Grandpa have a house on the lake?"

Son (with a serious face): "no his house is on the grass."

She's prefers that I call it breathing treatments for asthma.

Son: "Mommy. Do you know who wrote this book?"

Wife: "No, buddy. Who?"

Son: "The author."

He likes drinking yogurts. Normally he drinks them from the bottle, but this time he asked me for a straw.

"Why do you want a straw?"

"Because it is a strawberry yogurt!" (he emphasized STRAW in strawberry and grinned).

Probably his first dad joke ever.

Yesterday he kept telling me "I'm thirsty". But with him only being 3 it sounded like he was saying "I'm Thursday". So I would shake his hand and say back to him "Hi, I'm Friday, nice to meet you". He didn't get it, the joke or the drink.

"With letters" hahaha, got 'er. How am I supposed to accept my 3 year old is ready to be a dad?

Sofia (3) looked at me and said she was thirsty. Without missing a beat, Kailey (5) said, "Hi Thirsty, I'm Kailey."

I rolled. So proud.

Her: I've got a joke for you! Close your eyes. Me: (Eyes closed) OK. Her: Dark, isn't it?