I cut contact with my Mum and step-dad 4 years ago due to a terribly abusive childhood which neither of them would acknowledge let alone apologize for. When I cut contact I gave her the option of attending our wedding and meeting our future children as long as my step-dad didn't attend. She couldn't respect my boundaries and told me it was both of them or nothing. I chose nothing and I have been recovering over the past 4 years with the help of counseling. Now she has found out through the grapevine that our wee boy was born very early and she is sending messages to my brothers and now my husband asking for information and saying how she'll never give up on her family and that she wants to be there to support me etc etc. It makes me mad that she is fishing for information about our son and continuing to act like she is a great Mum and Nana. I won't retaliate but some support would be great right now as the last thing I needed right now is to have her pop up in my life. She hasn't contacted me once in 4 years... which shows she is using the fact that I'm in a very vulnerable position to try to worm her way back into my life... grr
Personal Demographics
Age: 28
Pronouns: she/her
Industry: Non-profit (~30 employees total, I am the only one in my position)
Location: Philadelphia
Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance: I have a Roth 403(B) I started with my current position. I contribute 6% with employer matching. I currently have $5,624.60 vested but I get increased vesting every year I am employed here. If it was fully vested right now it would be over $13k. I am definitely not going to work here long enough for it to be fully vested but hopefully I get at least 50% vested before I leave.
Savings: I have 10k in a HYSA with money I received from my grandmother last year. I would like to use some of it to invest and bolster my retirement savings but I’m unsure how to best do that. I also need the cushion as I currently have no other savings and I’m terrified of being in debt again, especially from medical bills or car maintenance costs.
Debt: $250 remaining on payments for a new laptop I purchased earlier this year. Will be paid off next month.
Credit Card debt: I had a TON of credit card debt from my years as a student, living paycheck to paycheck, and generally having no financial literacy. I was able to get it under control last year thanks to frugality during the pandemic lockdown, the money received from my grandmother, and the stimulus checks. Now I only use one credit card for points on large purchases and I pay it off each month.
Other familial financial assistance and context: My parents are divorced and both struggled with unemployment and depression for much of my youth/teen years. They are fine now but neither has a traditional “career”. My grandmothers helped a lot in my upbringing and were truly another set of parents for me in this regard. I am probably not fully aware of the ways they’ve helped, but the main ones for me are that 1) My grandmother paid my undergrad tuition that was not covered by grants and scholarships. I still had to cover my own living expenses and took out a student loan for that but I paid it off since it was a relatively small amount. 2) My senior year in undergrad my other grandmother gave me her car when she wanted to upgrade. I don’t know how I would have gotten a car on my own otherwise. It’s still going strong [knock on wood] but it’s over 15 years old so I’m not sure that it’s worth anything. It has a functioning tape deck! 3) My grandmother gave me a significant financial gift last yea
... keep reading on reddit ➡Hi Dr. K/all,
I have recently discovered Dr. K/this community and have been loving all of the YouTube/Twitch content that has been put out. I would love to see the topic of phobias be discussed and ways on how to "get over" them, especially ones that inhibit day-to-day life.
My phobia is driving. I am 28 years old and still do not have my driver's license. Not having a driver's license brings me a great sense of shame and makes me feel like less of a person than others. I feel like this is my "big secret" that I never tell strangers, and if the topic of driving comes up in social settings, I often times try and find a way to change the subject or remove myself entirely from the conversation.
My life is impacted in many ways without having a driver's license, such as relying on my wife to drive me places, not being able to visit friends when I want, having to walk every time I need to run errands, etc... Even though my life is a lot harder without a license, I can't get myself to get behind the wheel. I believe my fear partly comes from a place of social anxiety (how will others perceive my driving, what if I inconvenience other cars/people while on the road, etc...) and also a general fear of getting into an accident and hurting someone. My logical mind tells me that I should be a good driver as I am an attentive person with good hand-eye coordination, but my fears and anxieties tell me I'll never be able to do it and don't have what it takes.
Sometimes I get frustrated at myself why I can't "just do it", but even just imagining myself behind the wheel feels like I a tall task. In a way I lose respect for myself as I am unable to put myself in an uncomfortable situation (driving) like most people can, even though I know with more practice I will become more confident and it will become less scary, the first steps feels like bungee-jumping off a cliff.
I am currently seeing a therapist and they mentioned my fear may be so extreme that I may need the assistance of medication to help get me to start driving, I'm not opposed to this idea but I'd love it if there was some guidance on how to tackle phobias in an introspective manner too. Even if the topic of fear of driving isn't discussed, I'd love to see a general talk on phobias as I'm sure I'd be able to connect it to my own experience.
Thanks again all for this great community!
One likes jam bands and festivals and bowling and playing bass in bluegrass bands. One is in law school and likes cross stitching. One is kinda boring and plays a lot of golf. I’m stumped for all of them.
What are the odd to get PR through studies programs? , I currently hold two bachelor's degrees (computer science and business administration) with 5 years of work experience with an advanced level of English. I'm also single with no too much money in my bank account. what is an affordable Canadian university that offers a post-graduation work permit?
Mom started coughing one day I took her into the hospital doctor did a bunch exams on her said she had six months to live and I ended up taking her home on hospice care and she lasted less than three weeks.
I hear people say it gets better or easier with time but this is a constant in my head like why why her she was so healthy had a full life and younger I was living with her at the time with my two younger children so my world has been completely flipped upside down What I would do just to talk to her one more time God bless everyone on this site❤🙏🙏
Hello Everyone,
I'm posting here again, because someone taught me to ignore anyone that says mean things about my disabilities.
I know I've brought this up before, but I just get embarrassed and feel alone on some days. I also don't know if people see my posts as they get older on here. I felt bad last time I made a post, because someone got mad about me for posting too much, so I deleted my post. (It made me feel even more ashamed than I already do for my conditions)
I am 28 and still wet the bed at night and have problems with my brain getting the signal to go to the bathroom during the day. I often don't know until it's too late. Even though setting an alarm helps, I still have to wear GoodNites (pull ups) during busy days or NorthShore Supreme medical diapers at night.
I know it's not my fault since I have a lot of medical conditions that affected my development. (Hydrocephalus, brain bleed from being born premature, spine/nerve issues) I also have Autism and Tourette's Syndrome, but I just feel like I'm the only one.
Is there anyone else with similar experiences? I appreciate everyone in helping me feel less alone in dealing with my medical conditions.
https://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/breaking-news/os-ne-rosa-rivera-daughter-stabbed-20190311-story.html
Edit: thanks for the misleading title flair, it makes people actually read the article.
I did it
I almost can't even believe it, but I actually did it. I wasn't going to share this because i was scared to be judged but fuck that. 2 years ago I was dying, an IV heroin and Benzo addict on the streets. its okay to be vulnerable, Its okay to loose control, and to be confronted with emotions that can normally be suppressed or pushed aside.
I woke up this morning watching my daughter smile, turning 10 months old, knowing she never has to see her dad high, and myself smiling in the mirror turning 28 years old, happy. Something I never thought I'd be. I'm proud of myself today. I believe in myself, my daughter has her daddy, the mother of my daughter has her person back.
Drugs are fun. Drugs are a good time. But drugs don't love you, your family and friends do. If you think you need help, start with the asking. Don't let it take over your life. Don't let it kill you. You're not a junkie or a failure. You're just another person with a vice to deal with the shit life throws at us.
Connection is the cure for addiction, so feel connected to me. To everyone in this reddit, to everyone facing the same fight in their lives as you. I'm rooting for you. I just wanted to post one of the biggest accomplishments of my life and hopefully maybe inspire or help someone still struggling.
Take this post with a grain of salt because I only discovered NoFap this year. I never knew I had a problem until I tried to quit and I thought it was normal to have fluctuating moods and levels of energy. After being a little over the 2/3rd mark of a standard 90 day reboot, I think it fair to share my thoughts on what NoFap means to me and what it could mean to you if you are still young.
At 28 years old, I am older than a large majority of the NoFap community I see. Many of you are in your late teens, many early 20s. You are at a great time to start NoFap because you're just starting your adult life and you will have an edge over many people just by practicing this. The discipline and the life force retention is unparalleled.
Eight years ago when I was 20, nothing like this existed. NoFap from what I understand was a pipe dream and masturbation was "healthy" and "normal". I didn't fall down the rabbit hole like a lot of my peers but despite that I still came up short in many areas of my life (which I'll get to soon). I never really got into porn but fapping helped keep the demons of self-doubt away, realizing that I was the low man on the totem pole in high school and college. Girls wanted to hook up, but they certainly didn't want to hook up with me. So I used PMO to keep my sanity at bay (temporarily).
Unfortunately, PMO was a massive limiter on my potential. I'm not an utter failure by any sense of the word. I work a good job, I pay bills, I've started projects, I read, I go to the gym, but I know that it prevented me from really expanding and taking advantage of life. I still live with my mom, I've barely traveled, I have virtually zero sexual experience...all the things that you think would be quintessential parts of a normal 20something existence, I am lacking. And I find myself smashing headlong into a "quarter life crisis" and reexamining where I went wrong. I wondered why I had anxiety. I wonder why I couldn't talk to girls. I wonder why I didn't have that fire, that heat that you need to push against life. Now I know why. I was consistently fapping and it only progressed as I continued throughout my 20s and saw my peers pairing up.
Now I'm at the end of my 20s. My youth is over, guys. No more exploratory period. No more free passes for doing dumb experimental stuff. I'm now expected to be a man. I feel like a good amount of my life was spent on observer mode, watching other people do the stuff that I wanted to do. If I knew about NoFap when
... keep reading on reddit ➡
I’m in my late 20s, and I’ve been “stuck” doing the same thing since I started working. Graduated with high honors from college but with a liberal arts degree and just started up graduate school. I’ve been working in a blue collar field with limited upward mobility. I was at my last job for four years and finally had a chance for a higher position (someone was retiring) but had a manager creating a hostile work environment to the point that I felt I needed to leave for my mental health. Turns out she actually wanted that position because it’s less stress than a manager, and now she’s getting it. Kind of feeling like that was the reason she was treating me poorly.
I was told several times both by people in and outside my department at my last job that they didn’t understand why I wasn’t a trainer in some sort of leadership role. I showed a lot of initiative at my old job and regularly volunteered for extra responsibilities , and I feel like if anything it just hurt me at that job. The “favorites” were people that didn’t really try harder than they needed to or rock the boat.
At my new job in the same field, I applied for one of the lead spots but wasn’t chosen. Actually a few of the leads chosen don’t have as much experience in our field as I do, though I do think they are good “leaders”. I know it happens, but having worked in the same role for 6-7 years, I really feel not having ever been promoted is reflective of something “wrong” with me and that I’m just “stuck.” I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback for my work over the years, but I just feel like there’s “always someone better” and that the opportunities presented never work out for me.
I don’t really know what to do or how to feel, if this is normal at my age (I’m 28) or a sign that there’s just something wrong with me. I’m in school for public admin but the type of job I do is more physical work, and I’m worried even with the degree I won’t be able to change fields or move up. Am I being too hard on myself or am I as big of an f-up as I am feeling ? I honestly feel like a failure.
