What do you call a 19 year old that turns 20 while in quarantine?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Mar 26 2020
Iβm a 50 year old with a 20 year old body
π︎ 231
π
︎ Dec 27 2018
I am a 40 years old with the body of a 20 years old.
Any idea on how to bury it?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 01 2019
"I feel great today. I feel like a 20 year old! ...
Know where I can find one?"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 11 2019
What does a 50 year old woman have between her breasts that a 20 year old woman doesn't?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 02 2018
What advice do you give to a rock that's dating? cc:my 20-year old girl officemate
You need to be a little boulder.
You gotta admit, that joke's rock solid, right?
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 24 2016
Dad Jokes aren't limited to dads it seems. 20 year old female knocking one out...
π︎ 60
π
︎ Nov 18 2013
20 month old dad joked my 3 1/2 year old...
So my oldest was having my youngest say things back to her in the car on the way to daycare this morning. Mostly to be funny - things like booger and toot.
Oldest finally starts trying to have her say a bunch of stuff... Went like this.
Oldest: "ok, say, booger and red and blue and tree and car and boat." Pause, "hey! Say this!"
Youngest: "This!"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 26 2014
Dad says this even when I am 20 years old
Whenever I need to change outfits and I tell him I'm running upstairs to change... "But I like you the way you are"
π︎ 16
π
︎ Oct 28 2013
From my 5-year-old son: "Hey"
True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."
I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"
He responds, "it's dead grass."
I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"
.
.
.
He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ May 10 2021
I'm so proud. My 12-year old told this joke during dinner: What degree does Dr. Pepper have?
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Apr 30 2021
From my 9 year old son: Dad, what hand do you wipe your bum with? Me: My right hand......
Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.
Well played, boy.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Apr 28 2021
I saw a 1000 year old oil stain
It was from ancient Greece
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
My 6 year old told me this one today. Why do dogs carry bones in their mouths?
Because they don't have pockets.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
I bought my 10 year old son an acoustic guitar yesterday and he has mastered 3 chords already.
So now the full Oasis songbook is covered he's moved on to a new one.
π︎ 122
π
︎ May 11 2021
My 7 year old, gazing in wide eyed wonder asked, "Is the Aurora Borealis heavy?"
I said, "No, it's pretty light. "
π︎ 517
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
I told my 7 year old daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field."
Puzzled she asked, "What's that got to do with anything?
I chuckled, "Well that means....its pasture bedtime. "
π︎ 404
π
︎ Apr 18 2021
A reporter interviewed a 103-year old woman: βAnd what is the best thing about being 103?β the reporter asked.
The woman simply replied, βNo peer pressure.β
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
An actual joke from my 8 year old - Why canβt you trust atoms?
They make up everything.
I was proud.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Jan 28 2021
My 8 year old just told me this one.. What does the minister say when you marry a computer?
I now pronounce you man and wifi.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Apr 25 2021
What is an Air Fryer's favorite food? (Courtesy of my 6 year old)
Air-vrything.
I'm so proud.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
My 6 year old just told me this joke... What's stronger than a fortune cookie?
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
My 8 year old sons joke today. Whatβs a girls favorite unit of measurement?
π︎ 93
π
︎ Apr 15 2021
My mechanic is 87 years old and he still works 40 hours a week.
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
π︎ 115
π
︎ Apr 03 2021
My 6 year old daughter was listening to music with me and came up with this one: What is a bananas favorite Tom Petty song?
You Dont Know How It Peels
π︎ 252
π
︎ Apr 02 2021
My 11 year old shared a cool joke. He says...
"I just bought a fridge magnet.... So far I have 14 fridges!"
π︎ 35
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
My 9 year old told me this: What happens if you party to hard on May the Fourth?
>! Revenge of the Fifth!<
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 08 2021
I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that itβs perfectly normal to accidentally poop in your pants, but heβs not buying it. In fact...
Heβs still making fun of me...
π︎ 87
π
︎ Apr 03 2021
My wife works with birds at the zoo. The other day I asked her about the lifespan of a falcon. She said they usually live for about 15 to 20 years.
"I guess that means all the Millennial Falcons are gone."
π︎ 28
π
︎ May 04 2021
If you were 8 years old when "Red, Red Wine" was released
π︎ 34
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
I was dismayed this afternoon when my wife told me my 6-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
π︎ 43
π
︎ Apr 19 2021
Help me out: need some rockstar/music themed food puns for my 3 year oldβs birthday party!
Having a small party for my guitar and music obsessed soon-to-be 3 year old. Wanted to put some signs next to the food to make it more on-theme. Weβll be serving:
Chicken nuggets
PB&Js (in the shape of guitars)
Veggie tray
Fruit tray
Water & juice
Iβm struggling to think of stuff. So far I only have
Nirvana Nuggets (which I realize isnβt even a pun) and PB&J Richie Samboraches. Lame, I know π Help me out if you can think of any more!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
(9 year old daughter tells me) What does a Dalmatian say after it eats dinner?
π︎ 39
π
︎ Apr 23 2021
I just saw a 90-year-old guy fight an 80-year-old guy.
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 07 2021
8 Year Old's Bee Pun - Proud Mom Moment
I was walking the other day with my son when he noticed a bee. I told him to leave it alone, to which he replied, "I'll be careful. Get it?! BEE!"
I was beginning to lose hope that he wasn't ever going to understand or appreciate puns! He's in the club now!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 15 2021
My 14 year old dropped this one on me - I am so proud: two snare drums and a cymbal fall over a cliff...
π︎ 14
π
︎ May 02 2021
Disclaimer: this is my 5 year old son's joke. He is a dad in the making. "Everest is the biggest mountain. Mount Fuji is the prettiest. Which mountain is the stinkiest?"
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
My 8 year old daughter is a dad in the making
Daughter: Knock knock
Me: Whoβs there?
Daughter: Europe
Me: Europe who?
Daughter: No Iβm not!
Proud papa right now
π︎ 50
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
My 8 year old has created a new unit of measument...
She just picked up the squeeze ketchup and said, "I only need one fart of ketchup." She gives the bottle a single squeeze and gets her "one fart."
π︎ 57
π
︎ Mar 23 2021
What did Curt Cobain say when he opened a 13 year old bottle of vodka?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 02 2021
My 8 year old ddaughter just asked she could borrow my butt.
My daughter just asked she could borrow my butt. Apparently hers has a crack in it.
She came out with that one tonight
π︎ 17
π
︎ Apr 21 2021
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.
He just can't part with it.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
From my 10 year old son: Why did the coffee taste like dirt?
π︎ 251
π
︎ Feb 06 2021
My 8 year old finished eating dinner
8yo: "There, I ate!"
Me [points at 9yo]: "Good job! She nine."
8yo: π€?
9yo: "Ugh. Because I'm nine and you're eight. You ate. I nine?"
8yo: "Daaaad!"
π︎ 501
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
My two year old was playing cars and blocks with my wife, when she (the toddler) put a block on the road on her city map carpet and said:
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
What do you call an army of 1 year olds?
π︎ 23
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
My 8 year old nephew attended his first wedding. But his cousin had a question for his after the ceremony.
"Hey, how many women can a guy marry?"
"16!"
"How did you figure that out."
"Simple. I just listen to the minister and added them up: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer. That's 16!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
My 5 year old got me with this one:
5yo: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
5yo: To get to the dummy's house.
Me:...
5yo:...
Me:...
5yo: Knock Knock.
Me: Who's there?
5yo: The chicken.
π︎ 482
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
My 8 year old son asked me to buy him two axes for his birthday...
I told him ok, Iβd get him an X and a Y... my 12 year old cracked up, the 8 year old was confused. I still look at it as a win.
π︎ 65
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
From my 8 year old: Dad, how do camels hide from predators?
Me: Their fur is the same color as the desert so they blend in.
Her: Exactly! They camel-flage!
I walked right into that one lol
π︎ 309
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
I said I was sad to have to go back to work on Monday after a long break. My four year old without missing a beat said...
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
π︎ 582
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
I saw a 2000 year old oil stain.
π︎ 261
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
