2 Year Old Puns

I have been walking on eggshells ever since.

I asked my daughter if she was hungry and she said "No, I'm Charlotte".

I'm so proud of her, but also I had been waiting to do the whole hi hungry, I'm dad bit to her when I thought she was old enough to get it. Now I feel like I've missed that window

Midlife crisis

Both can fly if you throw them hard enough

My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!

Because she’s all dressed.

Son: Daddy, where is Thomas? Daddy: I don’t know, mate. Son: He must be working from home today.

Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.

Barbiecued.

While traveling to a cookout at my dads house, my wife (W) was working through the alphabet with my son (s)

Letter “I”: W: “ I is for..... iguana” S: “iguana.... iguana go outside.” W: looks at me. I look at him. S: (in his best dad style, cheesy laugh) “ha, ha.”

He had no idea what he said. But gosh we got a kick out of it.

Those are the years you’re in your prime

Now she’s in the ICU

It was the right triangle.

Her face went red and her cheeks swelled up making her look just like a tomato.

After the nurse and my wife finished talking about her reaction, I just couldn’t help but blurt our “well, you are what you eat”

My wife eye rolled, the nurse just looked at me with a deadpan face and said “well done” and walked off.

2yr old: daddy come in the house Me:I can’t honey, the house is small, I’m too big 2yr old:oh, hi I’m too big

Usually I don't condone infant gratification but I'll let it slide this time...

An askhole.

I didn't even laugh at first. I immediately asked if he'd heard it somewhere. He said he hadn't, that he'd come up with it on his own. When I asked him when he did that, he said it was when we were leaving for church (earlier that day). Then I had a good laugh.

I helped him tweak the setup a little, and then I had him tell his momma. I laughed even harder when she sat in stunned silence for a few seconds and then busted out laughing with her hands over her mouth.

We explained to him that while the joke was not wholly appropriate for his age, it most certainly was funny.

So I handed her a knife and an onion.

She responded: ”I no chiwwy, I Madison.”

I almost died choking on pancake. I don’t think I’ve fully recovered.

I Scream - aaaarrrhhhhh...

Even better when actually a true story!

I said "yeah, engines are quite deaf"

A bunch of in-laws were showing up today and I was working on last minute cleaning when various annoyances happened.

Wife: "How are you doing?"

"I'm grumpy."

Son: "Hi grumpy!"

My 5 month old has a little bit of a cough. The conversation went something like this:.
5 month old: {coughs}.
My wife: Goodness, where is that little cough coming from?
2.5 year old: Baby's mouth!
Me: {laughs hysterically}

Me: "oh that was me, i was gonna eat it"

Her: "Well how'd that turn out?"

Me: "Not bad, had a little kick to it. "

It was a colorful tune.

I asked, "Is that good?"

##"No, it's sausage."

I'm so proud right now.

A classic!

*son falls on butt "Owww!" "Your ok buddy let me see... *looks at son's butt OH NO, THERE'S A CRACK IN IT!"

Now he's worried his butt is broken.

The MGM lion is doing his thing at the beginning and she says "oooh that's a scary tiger"

I quickly retorted, "that's a lion you know it!"

Turns out it's called eyebrows

My pregnant wife to our first born: "You are an odd child."

Me: "True, and his brother will be an even child..."

Wife: ::Groan::

My daughter crawls in the room and begins to bark, then says, "I'm a doggie!"

Yeah? Did you bring the Updawg?

"Uhmm... yeah."

No! You're supposed to say 'What's Updawg?'

"I dunno, Dada, whut's up witchoo?"

. . . I'll try it again in a couple of years.

This morning, as I was getting dressed, my 2 year old son said to me, "I'm hungry."

I went for the easy joke, "Hi hungry, I'm dad."

Without missing a beat, he replied: "hi dad, I'm hungry."

Son: Dada, I want sumfin' to eat. Me: Oh are you hungry? Son: No Dada, I Malcolm.

4 year old: "Ok, repeat after me"

2 year old: "After me"

Me: beaming with pride

Me: want to go with me to pick up your sister from school?

Her: she's too heavy

This child is learning too fast.

Joshua: Daddy, I'm hungry

Me: Nice to meet you Hungry, I'm Austria...

All I could think was, "You've cat to be kitten me right meow." I'm torn on how I feel about her... I wish I could retract what she did but there's no point getting clawed up in the negative emotions.

He's been having trouble with pronouncing words starting with F. My wife asked him if he could say "I'm falling down".

His reply: "You're falling down".

Don't put the party pie on your head! It's not a hat! Hold it like a telephone... now you're a "pie on ear"!!

They're all the rage right now

"Don't do that, you'll hurt his peelings!"

2yo: What's this? (Holds up meat off her pizza) Wife: it's sausage. 2yo: no, I saw sage. (Gets real close and looks intently at her piece of sausage before eating it.)

2 year comes up to me and says, "Dad she scared me!"

I tell her, "Well, scare her back."

3 year old turns around and says, "Ya, scare my back."

George was trying to figure out why his neighbours hens wouldn't lay eggs. It was easy for me figure out the reason.

"They're obviously too afraid to lay eggs. You know why? They're chicken!"

My niece is too young to appreciate it now, but she'll learn soon enough.

An askhole.

I didn't even laugh at first. I immediately asked if he'd heard it somewhere. He said he hadn't, that he'd come up with it on his own. When I asked him when he did that, he said it was when we were leaving for church (earlier that day). Then I had a good laugh.

I helped him tweak the setup a little, and then I had him tell his momma. I laughed even harder when she sat in stunned silence for a few seconds and then busted out laughing with her hands over her mouth.

We explained to him that while the joke was not wholly appropriate for his age, it most certainly was funny.

Me: Hey buddy, can you tell me a joke?

Him: Joke