11.8 Puns

Sadly, it flew right over their head. (It wasn’t a 9-11 joke, those crash and burn anyways)

It was in the middle of 9 11

*4/yo is wrestling with 11/yo.

*11/yo rolls over and pretends to die.

Mom: He's dead you don't need to keep attacking him.

4/yo to 11/yo: You're a car now! Vroom.

Mom: What? He was dead and now he's a car?

11/yo: Yeah it's reinCARnation.

My daughter and I have been trading these. Here is our current list - would love to hear more!

1. I lost my job at the chess factory. I couldn’t work knights.
2. I lost my job at the bank. A lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
3. I lost my job at the keyboard factory. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
4. I lost my job at the calendar factory. I took too many days off.
5. I lost my job as a maze designed. I got lost in my work.
6. I lost my job as an electrician. I was shocked!
7. I lost my job as a psychic. I didn’t see it coming!
8. I lost my job at the funeral home. Apparently, the options are “cremation” or “burial,” not “smoking” or “non-smoking.”
9. I lost my job as an astronomer. I thought my work was looking up!
10. I lost my job as a cyber criminal. I couldn’t hack it.
11. I lost my job as a human cannonball. I got fired!
12. I lost my job as a garbage collector. I had no training but I thought I would pick it up as I go.
13. I lost my job as a math teacher, same job I’ve had since 2000. That’s 46 years down the drain!
14. I lost my job in pool maintenance. It was too draining.
15. I lost my job as a fisherman. I didn’t make enough net income.
16. I lost my job as a baker. I really kneaded the dough!
17. I lost my job as a historian. There was no future in it.
18. I lost my job as a tour guide in Australia. I did not have the right koalafications.
19. I lost my job at the upholstery repair shop. I may never recover.
20. I lost my job as a massage therapist. I rubbed people the wrong way.
21. I lost my job as a seamstress. And I tried sew hard.
22. I lost my job as a musician. I just wasn’t noteworthy.
23. I lost my job at the unemployment office. And I still need to go back there tomorrow.
24. I lost my job feeding giraffes. I just wasn’t up to it.
25. I lost my job as a water slide attendant. My career is going down the tubes.
26. I lost my job at the paper shredding factory. It was a tearable job.
27. I lost my job as a drummer. I’m sure there will be repercussions.
28. I lost my job as a pole vaulter. I'll never get over it.
29. I lost my job as a pet groomer. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.
30. I lost my job as a pastry tester. That job was a piece of cake.
31. I lost my job as a mirror inspector. I could see myself doing that for a long time.
32. I lost my job as a yoga instructor. I bent over backwards for them.
33. I lost my job at Dunkin. It’s ok, I was fed up wit

11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.

I asked my 11 siblings and neither do they know...

Bill Gates. 1, 3.1, 95, 98, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10, 11.

and pulled this one. The 11 year old kid in the car thought it was funny. SO looked at me visibly angry. So all around good reaction.

We passed a guy just hanging out, stopped on a bicycle near the street.

Me: "Do you know why that bike is just sitting there?"

"Because it's two tired."

When my daughter was around 10-11, she could be a pain to get up in the morning.

One morning, I came into her room with a maniacally cheerful "Hey Katie, guess what?". I proceeded to keep this up until I get a groggy, grumpy "what?" From her.

I replied "chicken butt". I was serenaded with screams of inarticulate rage as I left her room. Good times!

This is from last night, pizza night.

(I have two pizzas in-hand)

Me (47 yo dad): Hey kids (2 12 yos + 1 11 yo), i have a question!

Them: (in a surly tone) huh/grumble/no response?

Me: If I throw a pizza...(my eyes begin to twinkle)

Them: (seeing the signs, they scatter in attempt to get out of earshot, but they're too slow)

Me: ... Will it become at YEET-ZA?!?!? (I begin cackling)

11 yo: Busts out laughing.

12 yo daughter: DON'T GIVE HIM ANY ATTENTION, YOU'RE ENCOURAGING HIM!!!

I'm so fucking proud... Feel like i leveled up on this one!

If you start pooping at 11:59PM and don't finish until after midnight, that's the.... same shit, different day.

A humanitarian. Credit to my 11 year old who loves playing with language.

Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..

Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.

TV is paused because we’re talking about the movie my and the wife just watched. It’s 11:47PM

Me: yes, you should go see it. But if you don’t unpause what we’re watching now, we’ll be watching it until next year

My wife and daughter always try to challenge me with dad jokes, and I almost always know them all. Today I had the following exchange:

Daughter: did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

Me: yes, 11+11 is twenty, too.

Daughter: how on earth do all dads know these jokes?

Me: we keep them in a dad-a-base!

Daughter: I hate you.

Tubacca (from my 11 year old son)

They all say PU when they shoot

Note: My 11 year old made this

11/10

From my 11 year old son today ......

"What did the clock do when he was very hungry" . . . . . He went back four seconds

USB-C

Source: Came up with this myself whilst talking pirate to my 11 year old. (It happens sometimes). Forgive me…

My 11-year old's current favorite:
What's brown and green, has six legs, weighs 800 lb and would kill you if it jumped on you out of a tree?

.

.

.

A pool table.

Puns for Educated Minds ...

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall.. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18.. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22.. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

23.. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24.. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

A parrot medic.

Credit to daughter - age 11

Halloween is approaching and I am making some punny tombstone decorations, in the spirit of Disney's Haunted Mansion cemetery. I thought it would be fun to collect some new ones from the reddit community. Here are Disney's crypt puns. Please share any additional ones that you can come up with.

1. Asher T. Ashes (Ashes to ashes)
2. Bea Witch (Bewitch)
3. C. U. Later (See you later)
4. Clare Voince (Clairvoyance)
5. Dustin T. Dust (Dust into dust)
6. G. I. Missyou (Gee I miss you)
7. Hail N. Hardy (Hale and hearty)
8. Hal Lusinashun (Hallucination)
9. Hap A. Rition (Apparition)
10. I. Emma Spook (I am a spook)
11. I. L. Beback (I'll be back)
12. I. M. Mortal (I am mortal)
13. I. M. Ready (I am ready)
14. I. Trudy Departed (I truly departed)
15. I. Trudy Dew (I truly do)
16. Levi Tation (Levitation)
17. Love U. Trudy (Love you truly)
18. M. T. Tomb (Empty tomb)
19. Manny Festation (Manifestation)
20. Metta Fisiks (Metaphysics)
21. Paul Tergyst (Poltergeist)
22. Pearl E. Gates (Pearly Gates)
23. Ray N. Carnation (Reincarnation)
24. Rustin Peece (Rest in peace)
25. Rusty Gates (Rusty Gates)
26. Theo Later (See you later)
27. U. R. Gone (You are gone)
28. Wee G. Bord (Ouija board)

Stake (steak) (From my 11 y/o)

Boba Feta

Credit to my daughter- age 11

Everyone keeps telling me to remember 9/11

When she insisted she'd only gotten six packages, I counted them in front of her: 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13!

In the car with my 11 year old daughter.

Her, looking out the car window: "Dad, do you think that looks fancy?" Me: "Does what look fancy?" Her, grinning: "Nevermind, it's a little plane."

10+10 is twenty 11+11 is twenty too

🤣

10 + 10 = Twenty

and

11 + 11 = Twenty, too.

11 years old and he still can't tell a joke properly.

10+10=20 and 11+11=22

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

10+10 is Twenty, and 11+11 is Twenty Too!

Because 10+10 equals twenty and 11+11 equals twenty too

Because 10+10 is 20 and 11+11 is 20 too

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

It's because 10 + 10 is twenty and 11 + 11 is twenty too

10+10=20 11+11=22

10+10 is twenty, 11+11 is twenty, two.

Because 10+10 equals twenty and 11+11 equals twenty TOO

Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too.

I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too