I studied my taxes for a way to stick it to those crooks at the IRS. I decided to replace every 9 with an 8, every 7 with a 6, every 5 with a 4, every 3 with a 2, and every 1 with a 0. It’s not cheating.

It’s just a way to even the odds.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Masselein
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2023
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I managed to break both big toes during my soccer match today, had to come off the field in horrible pain, and my team went on to lose the match 0-4.

Today I truly suffered the agony of da feet.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hollowbody57
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2021
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I hate most numbers. The number 2 is definitely second rate, and 3 looks like fish lips. Don’t even get me started on the numbers 4 through 9. 0 means nothing to me.

Should I feel bad for hating so many numbers? Nah. God just wants us to love everyone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuddenSasquatch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2021
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Assault And Battery
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Klaus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2023
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took me a *minute*
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2022
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Such a shampoo pun!
πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoShitToGive
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2023
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β€œThis bugs me”
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NJ2806
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2023
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Nah, she was born a red head
πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riccochetaround
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2022
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What's a henway ?

About 4 lbs

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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Thyme & thyme again
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tb124
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2022
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Today dangerous argument rewrite history
πŸ‘︎ 194
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Butternut_derp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2022
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This could spell disaster.
πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HypnotizeD_X
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2022
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whey better
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notreallyhaarsh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2022
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I know a guy who won’t stand for the National Anthem. His name is Neil.
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2022
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Every time...

0:00 0:01 0:02 0:03 0:04 0:05 0:06 0:07 0:08 0:09 0:10 0:11 0:12 0:13 0:14 0:15 0:16 0:17 0:18 0:19 0:20 0:21 0:22 0:23 0:24 0:25 0:26 0:27 0:28 0:29 0:30 0:31 0:32 0:33 0:34 0:35 0:36 0:37 0:38 0:39 0:40 0:41 0:42 0:43 0:44 0:45 0:46 0:47 0:48 0:49 0:50 0:51 0:52 0:53 0:54 0:55 0:56 0:57 0:58 0:59 1:00 1:01 1:02 1:03 1:04 1:05 1:06 1:07 1:08 1:09 1:10 1:11 1:12 1:13 1:14 1:15 1:16 1:17 1:18 1:19 1:20 1:21 1:22 1:23 1:24 1:25 1:26 1:27 1:28 1:29 1:30 1:31 1:32 1:33 1:34 1:35 1:36 1:37 1:38 1:39 1:40 1:41 1:42 1:43 1:44 1:45 1:46 1:47 1:48 1:49 1:50 1:51 1:52 1:53 1:54 1:55 1:56 1:57 1:58 1:59 2:00 2:01 2:02 2:03 2:04 2:05 2:06 2:07 2:08 2:09 2:10 2:11 2:12 2:13 2:14 2:15 2:16 2:17 2:18 2:19 2:20 2:21 2:22 2:23 2:24 2:25 2:26 2:27 2:28 2:29 2:30 2:31 2:32 2:33 2:34 2:35 2:36 2:37 2:38 2:39 2:40 2:41 2:42 2:43 2:44 2:45 2:46 2:47 2:48 2:49 2:50 2:51 2:52 2:53 2:54 2:55 2:56 2:57 2:58 2:59 3:00 3:01 3:02 3:03 3:04 3:05 3:06 3:07 3:08 3:09 3:10 3:11 3:12 3:13 3:14 3:15 3:16 3:17 3:18 3:19 3:20 3:21 3:22 3:23 3:24 3:25 3:26 3:27 3:28 3:29 3:30 3:31 3:32 3:33 3:34 3:35 3:36 3:37 3:38 3:39 3:40 3:41 3:42 3:43 3:44 3:45 3:46 3:47 3:48 3:49 3:50 3:51 3:52 3:53 3:54 3:55 3:56 3:57 3:58 3:59 4:00 4:01 4:02 4:03 4:04 4:05 4:06 4:07 4:08 4:09 4:10 4:11 4:12 4:13 4:14 4:15 4:16 4:17 4:18 4:19 4:20 4:21 4:22 4:23 4:24 4:25 4:26 4:27 4:28 4:29 4:30 4:31 4:32 4:33 4:34 4:35 4:36 4:37 4:38 4:39 4:40 4:41 4:42 4:43 4:44 4:45 4:46 4:47 4:48 4:49 4:50 4:51 4:52 4:53 4:54 4:55 4:56 4:57 4:58 4:59 5:00 5:01 5:02 5:03 5:04 5:05 5:06 5:07 5:08 5:09 5:10 5:11 5:12 5:13 5:14 5:15 5:16 5:17 5:18 5:19 5:20 5:21 5:22 5:23 5:24 5:25 5:26 5:27 5:28 5:29 5:30 5:31 5:32 5:33 5:34 5:35 5:36 5:37 5:38 5:39 5:40 5:41 5:42 5:43 5:44 5:45 5:46 5:47 5:48 5:49 5:50 5:51 5:52 5:53 5:54 5:55 5:56 5:57 5:58 5:59 6:00 6:01 6:02 6:03 6:04 6:05 6:06 6:07 6:08 6:09 6:10 6:11 6:12 6:13 6:14 6:15 6:16 6:17 6:18 6:19 6:20 6:21 6:22 6:23 6:24 6:25 6:26 6:27 6:28 6:29 6:30 6:31 6:32 6:33 6:34 6:35 6:36 6:37 6:38 6:39 6:40 6:41 6:42 6:43 6:44 6:45 6:46 6:47 6:48 6:49 6:50 6:51 6:52 6:53 6:54 6:55 6:56 6:57 6:58 6:59 7:00 7:01 7:02 7:03 7:04 7:05 7:06 7:07 7:08 7:09 7:10 7:11 7:12 7:13 7:14 7:15 7:16 7:17 7:18 7:19 7:20 7:21 7:22 7:23 7:24 7:25 7:26 7:27 7:28 7:29 7:30 7:31 7:32 7:33 7:34 7:35 7:36 7:37 7:38 7:39 7:40 7:41 7:42 7:43 7:44 7:45 7:46 7:47 7:48 7:49 7:50 7:51 7:52 7:53 7:54 7:55 7:56 7:57 7:58 7:59 8:00 8:01 8:02 8:03 8:04 8:05 8:06 8:07 8:08 8:09 8:10 8:11 8:12 8:13 8:14 8:15 8:16 8:17 8:18 8:19

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 862
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scott_MacGregor
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2015
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Math?

(12 + 144 + 20 + 3√4)/7 + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0

Well measured.

>!The expression evaluates true, but it also forms a limmerick when read out loud (click it to read a spoken version).!<

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/barwhack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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5 Cringey Puns

(Sorry For Not Posting, I Was Busy)

  1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

  2. I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

  3. Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

  4. I didn't use to care much for most puns but over time some of them have groan on me.

  5. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

(Source For All Puns: https://www.punoftheday.com/cgi-bin/disppuns.pl?ord=F&cat=0&sub=0&page=1)

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/punsdaily
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The Cheerio Joke

Oh boy do I have a joke for you kids! Its called the cheerio joke.


So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes homeless, living out on the street, probaly an alchoholic. But he falls in love with a frosted cheerio princess. So one day he sneaks into the royal gala and goes up to the princess and asks her "will you marry me?" Now she says "I like your style, youre a good looking guy, a bit scruffy but I like you. Tell you what I will marry you if you can become a frosted cheerio" So our guy goes back with a determination and gets a job and starts to pay off his debts. Now by having a job and his debts paid he becomes a level 1 cheerio. So he works, and he works, and he works, and he WORKS and he finally becomes a level 2 cheerio. Now he goes back to the princess and askes her again, "will you marry me?" she says "no honey you really do have to become a frosted cheerio first." So he goes back and he works and works, hes a fryboy at McGrubers or something, I dont care. So he works and he works and he gets promoted at the restraunt and is making more money. And he works and he works and he works and by having that income raise he finally becomes a level 3 cheerio. He feels sucessful for the first time in his life but he is starting to fall back on his old ways. One day he goes to the casino and he loses and he loses and he loses and he gambled all his money away and he gets fired to boot because gambling is against company policy. So he is back down to a level 1 cheerio. He gets a job on a production line at a nearby factory and determines himself not to fall back ever again. So he works and he works and he works and he works and he WORKS, level 2, level 3, and he is doing great again. He is promoted to Floor manager of the factory and he is doing great and becomes a level 4 cheerio. But then one day a rival company sabotages their operation by putting poison in their toothpaste or whatever the hell they were making. They have to pay out damages and PR and the like and they declare bankruptcy. He is knocked back down to level 2 for the lack in income. But he is hired almost straight away by a branch of a huge conglomerate because they recognized how hard of a worker he is. So he works, level 3, works, level 4, and he works and works and WORKS. So he is promoted t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/t17389z
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked a cashier

I was out with some friends, we were grabbing some food at a local coffee shop. Their prices were fucking sweet, like three bucks for a sandwich. Anyway, I placed by order:

-$4.50 for a grilled cheese (heavenly)

-$3.00 for a small shake

-$0.60 tax

The cashier nods and says, "Thank you, that'll be $8.10"

I replied, "It's about to be ea-ten"

I'm pretty sure they spit in my food...

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LukeNukem99
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2014
🚨︎ report
When I was younger I collected model trains, including steam engines like the 2-8-6 and the 4-6-2...

..but I never could find the 4-0-4.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Echopse
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2015
🚨︎ report
Pi day dad joked at work

My co worker asked me how many digits I can name in pi. I responded well I can name all the digits in pi, 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, and 9 they are all in there somewhere!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCfan6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad told this one to a bunch of tourists:

So for some background, my dad's a tour guide in the UK and he was showing a group round Hampton Court Palace and in the gardens there's this maze. This is the text he just sent me:

>Dad joke at Hampton Court Maze - I have fine memories of Hampton Court Maze. I used to bring my children here...... If you see them could you send them home!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patchoolible
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
🚨︎ report
I was trying to order some parts for work......

I was ordering pressure gauges and sent all the specifications to my vendor. Three inch face, 0-100psi, 1/4" npt thread......what do you have in stock? He replied back with no 1/4". So I replied, yeah that is my favorite Zeppelin song, what about the gauge.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucideye
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2015
🚨︎ report
There is no difference between 4 and 4.0

I just don’t get the point.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leeericewing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I can list every single number that's in Pi.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 0.

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OvertCinnamon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I have finale cracked the most difficult problem. I now know all the digits of pi.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abybaddi009
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
No one: Literally No one:

0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Overlevendeftw
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
No one:

0, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShockwaveMike
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
No one:

0, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SudoUsername
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
No one:

Literally no one:

0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DabtillDeath
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
No one:

Numbers: 0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlatantHippocrite
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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