In olden times, making jokes about the way words sound was unfavored by society and would warrant a sever beating.

This ritual beating was called a PUN-ishment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brayradberry
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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Do you have any outstanding warrants for your arrest?

Sorry, officer. They’re all pretty mediocre.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chx_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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I called the police to see if I had any warrants-

Turns out nobody wants me.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4x4Welder
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?

It reads β€œSmall medium at large.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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Earlier today My dad asked me what a midget psychic who has a warrant was called.

He said it was a small medium at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeaponX69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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Why did Gotham PD put out a warrant for Batman?

He was wanted for assault and.... Bat-tery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flannel-Beard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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What do you call a group of peppers working undercover?

Spice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaylicious17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you are not a dad .

It's a faux pa

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HahaNotSoFunnycom
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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Co-worker: "I watched my first porno last night."

Me: "Your first one? Yeah, bullshit."

Him: "No really. My god did I ever look young."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/taylordanielle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2014
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A man walks into a bar and takes a seat.

There's a warrant out for his arrest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomd0g
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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My wife asked if I can bring her a hair band from the bathroom.

I asked her which one... Poison, Stryper, or Warrant. Her eyes rolled. Success!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mezzanine237
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2016
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Illegally recording a cover band playing Cherry Pie:

Warrant-less wiretapping

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmemo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2015
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I work at a grocery store and a guy came through my line with his wife. He forgot to put his sweet potatoes on the belt and I make a crack about him stealing food. His wife then said,

"Ya know, if they put out a warrant for your arrest for stealing those potatoes you would be on the yam."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMortar93
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2016
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Concern over ticks

My wife discovered a tick in our house - likely brought in by the dog after a hike with the family that day. At dinner, it prompted a discussion about the relative risk of Lyme disease and its recent increase in media coverage. My wife made the argument that, while incidents were up, the overall risk is really quite low when you look at actually numbers of incidents. As such, the media coverage is not warranted relative to other safety concerns. My rebuttal:

"Frankly, I think it's about time we had a tick talk"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/canadasecond
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2015
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Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?

It reads β€œSmall medium at large.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?

It reads β€œSmall medium at large.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?

It reads β€œSmall medium at large.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?

It reads β€œSmall medium at large.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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