Pines Puns

I responded without missing a beat, "That, my son, is a pine apple."

Shoutout to the mom passing by who witnessed and appreciated this gem.

All he got was a pine groan.

The hitman asked: 'what do you want me to do after the job is done?' The mafia boss replied: 'I want you to go bury tree bodies.'

Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden tit?

They always drop their needles!!

Because they are sappy

https://preview.redd.it/l1bw02kr5k131.png?width=799&format=png&auto=webp&s=3e9d827518b2c69da1d87c1815a47a208a906c7a

But I fell and now am in a very sticky situation...

I know this will resin-ate with many of you out there.

He looks down and sees that a full-grown elephant is slowly clambering up the tree. When the elephant finally reaches the branch the squirrel asks, "Why on earth did you climb up into this pine tree?!"

The elephant then says, "I came up here to eat some pears, of course."

The squirrel, completely shocked at the elephant's ignorance, exclaims, "You elephants don't know the first thing about trees! This is a PINE tree, there are no pears here."

The elephant then explains, "Oh, I know, I brought my own."

It starts beige-ing

Because he was guilty of tree-ason.

Because it was knotty

A Pine-apple!

"I don't know, pop, what?"

You go pine nuts!

Whenever my step-mom makes a recipe with pine nuts in it, my dad always says, "Ah yes, pine nuts. From the male pine tree!"

I'm trying to find a good pun for pine or pine tree that is wedding/marriage themed.

Pine

It's a huge Pine in the Ash

It becomes a Pine-Apple

Kept on insisting that I had promised to build him a treehouse but I don't remember evergreening this elm of a contract. Though he kept inisisting I had birch the agreement due to the long delay but my attempt to confern the fertility of the spruce was in roots. Now I have to oak up and face the spruce. My weekend has been soiled and I now have to maple my son's treehouse whilst I willow my day away. Although... Now that I twig about it, having a treehouse in my yard sounds like a pine idea.

I need to find a pun for the word pinecone

A Chris pine tree

Going cheep.

Por qué pine.

So he's turning over a new leaf.

Friend texts me: Can you leave a key fir me under the mat? Me: Maple I will, Maple I won’t. Friend: ? Me: Pine, I’ll leave a key Friend: oh, my typo, haha Me: I’ve got a bunch more Buckeye will wait til later to tell you.

But he's not the balsa me.

I’d rather eat pork, you pine!

It seems he wasn't very poplar, and is now deciduously less alive. If he returns from the dead, he'll definitely be pining for revenge.

Hopefully this is the right place for it - but I'm looking to create a wedding hashtag with our future last names. So far, we only have 'pining for macalpine' but, as someone pointed out, that has a rather negative connotation. Unfortunately, our first names don't lend to puns/rhymes.

Any alp would be appreciated.

The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"

It is, however, a huge weight off my shoulders.

Knotty pine

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to make her final preparations to move to Switzerland.

When she arrived back home, the thought occurred to her that she had not seen a “W.C.” in the room or even down the hall. (A W.C. is short for “water closet” and is what the English call a toilet.) So she immediately emailed the pastor to ask him where the “W.C.” is located.

The Swiss pastor had never heard of a “W.C.,” and so he Googled the abbreviation and found an article titled “Wayside Chapels.” Thinking that the English lady was asking about a country church to attend near her new home, the pastor responded as follows:

Ms. Smith,

I look forward to your move. Regarding your question about the location of the W.C., the closest W.C. is situated only two miles from the room you have rented, in the center of a beautiful grove of pine trees. The W.C. has a maximum occupancy of 229 people, but not that many people usually go on weekdays. I suggest you plan to go on Thursday evenings when there is a sing-along. The acoustics are remarkable and the happy sounds of so many people echo throughout the W.C.

Sunday mornings are extremely crowded. The locals tend to arrive early and many bring their lunches to make a day of it. Those who arrive just in time can usually be squeezed into the W.C. before things start, but not always. Best to go early if you can!

It may interest you to know that my own daughter was married in the W.C. and it was there that she met her husband. I remember how everyone crowded in to sit close to the bride and groom. There were two people to a seat ordinarily occupied by one, but our friends and family were happy to share.  I will admit that my wife and I felt particularly relieved when it was over. We were truly wiped out.

Because of my responsibilities in town, I can’t go as often as I used to. In fact, I haven’t been in well over a year. I can tell you I really miss regularly going to the W.C. Let’s plan on going together for your first visit. I can reserve us seats where you will be seen by all.

Sincerely,

Pastor Kurt Meier

A LU-PINE!

I was just trying to spruce up the mood

Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.

“You idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears!”

“Well I brought my own pears.”