I went for an interview. They said, β€œCan you perform under pressure?”

I said β€œI’m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody”

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RodimusMajor84
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What can you say about a HIP-HOP ARTIST that performs the music of TODAY?

Santa Claus really likes him because he’s RAPPING the PRESENT.

(That joke was 2 punny)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
The first doctor to ever perform a vasectomy ....

.....really got the ball rolling.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
A man recently ran up to me announcing that he was a primary color, then instructed me to perform a modern dance trend on the fourth letter of the alphabet and food coloring.

He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I had a priest perform an exorcism for my house, but I never paid the bill....

It’s been repossessed

πŸ‘︎ 238
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I sure got a kick out of seeing the comedian perform.

I would have preferred a handshake, though.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mndaver24
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
After the exodus through the Red Sea, Moses's staff could no longer perform miracles, and still he kept it beside him the rest of his life...

...he just couldn't part with it.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a condiment wizard perform?

Saucery

πŸ‘︎ 436
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SackOfPotatoes420
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why I want to perform a song for you?

It would be the β€œI sing on my cake” day.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I taught my chickens to perform classical music.

You should hear their Bok cantatas.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.

After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"

The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/domheffo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do gamers call doctors who perform C-sections?

Womb raiders

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t the number 5 perform sexually when number 1 is on top?

He is too tense.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/charons-voyage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My future boss asked if i could perform under pressure.

I said "No, but I can do a great Bohemian Rhapsody"

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheezzlez
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The nurse just told me that they can no longer perform the transplant.

My surgeon wanted to tell me, but he didn't have the heart.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOriginalGPS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?

They only get paid in tips.

πŸ‘︎ 337
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I wasn't invited to perform on the annual mushroom stand-up comedy show

I guess they must have realized I'm not a fungi.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Abaght
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of lemon performs charity work?

Lemon aid.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrTomatoHead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure?

No, but I can give Bohemian Rhapsody a go.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/r_person
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Job Interview : "How do you perform under pressure"

I usually have my band with me

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If you want to test how well vehicles perform during automobile crashes...

You have to be a real dummy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure

Me: I don’t know about that but I can take a stab at Bohemian Rhapsody

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CashMoney6661
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
CJ's teacher wondered why he didn't perform very well in the PEs test.

After all, all he had to do was to follow the damn train!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gustavo6046
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the singer perform that night?

They were experiencing technical difvocalties...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnny_aplseed
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the band that only performs in bathrooms?

I'm not surprised, they're washed up

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Blackwood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend found he worked best when instructions were spoken aloud. Then he could perform them.

It was easier said then done.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to see the famous "Iron Swordsmen of Venice" perform their street theatre.

But when I got there, the streets were empty with only a small sign saying that there would be no show today because it was the Ferrous Duelers' Day Off.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CyclopsRock
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the snowman say to the other snowman when it was his turn to perform?

It’s snowtime

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tundranox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Every operation a cardiac surgeon performs is heartfelt
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a panda perform a murder at a restaurant?

He eats, shoots and leaves

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Never let a urologist perform laser eye surgery on you

...

You might end up cock eyed.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sumguywithkids
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A company that performs tests on urine samples turned a large profit in the last several months

They had a great piss-cal year

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnthMaster7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My favorite magic trick to perform is turning things to glass

Just making things clear.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/angryhairpiece
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Recently, my father passed away in the hospital. He had a cardiac problem, and we needed to perform a blood transfusion in order to save him. Unfortunately, none of us knew his blood type.

As he was dying, he kept telling us to "be positive," but it's incredibly hard to without him.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImprovedBore
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My best friend wanted to vent to me about his inability to perform a proper bench press in the gym... I told him to get it off his chest.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How does the god of mischief perform his deeds?

Low key

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KNitsua
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know dogs can’t perform an MRI?

But cat scan.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trentjt21
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a job interview recently and They asked if I could perform under pressure.

I said that I don't know that one, but I could take a shot at Bohemian Rhapsody.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!

Home is where the heart is.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If an AI simulation of a pop singer performs all over the world ...
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ir8prim8
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
If a Navy doctor performs surgery on a Marine’s knee

It’s a ...πŸ˜πŸ•Ά.....😎 Joint Operation.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Phil-Prince
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Just saw Pinocchio perform at the theatre.

His performance was kind of wooden.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Advnchur
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Can you perform under pressure?

No, but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trwyncudd
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I went for an interview. They said, β€œCan you perform under pressure?”

I said β€œI’m not sure about that but I can have a good crack at Bohemian Rhapsody”

πŸ‘︎ 733
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LIS1050010
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iFunny_15_T0x1c
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
At a job interview I was asked if I could perform under pressure.

I said I could, but I'd be more comfortable playing Bohemian Rhapsody.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nwwazzu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report

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