The local bartender moved his pub to the summit of a mountain and the quality of his drinks improved

He really raised the bar on that one

πŸ‘︎ 351
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Always improve and sharpen yourself
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Birthday_Euphoric
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."

"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
LPT: If you are trying to stay in a hotel that’s completely booked, just tell the receptionist that your name is β€œimprovement”.

Because there’s always room for improvement.

πŸ‘︎ 370
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I never thought my chiropractor would improve my posture...

...but I stand corrected

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YareetLike
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
So I started that Ketogenic diet and my bowel movements have improved drastically!

So this is just a β€œquality shit post”

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Senor-Sarcasm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
How have we not improved on margarine more?

I can't believe it's not better.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chrisazy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My son improved the glue joke, "Hows that new glue"

Son: "It's holding up."

He rattles these off as I read r/dadjokes to him

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/s14owner95
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.

That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me that I was going to have to make some sacrifices to improve my health....

Anyone know if he meant human or animals ?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
When's the best time to visit the dentist?

When tooth dirty.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RumAndCoco
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.

UNEEDCHEF

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.

Me: Iron Man dies at the end.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Carrots may improve your eyes

But booze will double your vision

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kennycrab12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a knight whose job it was to guard other knights while they sleep

But as anyone that has worked the night shift knows it can be a long and boring affair. No great threats to defend against. So this knight decided to improve himself, night after night he would bring books to read while he stood guard. Learning languages, math, philosophy. The smarter he gets the more he realizes that he will likely leave the world and be forgotten. In his depression he turns to music, learning instrument after instrument, style after style. Using his knowledge of math to create beautiful patterns and moving songs. He learns that it is they rhythm more than anything that draws people to a song and sets his nights to finding the rhythm that will be universally loved. Now, hundreds of years after his death, people the world over still remember Sir Cadian's Rhythm.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDianthus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you improve your archery?

With better arrow dynamics.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dothemagic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is wearing glasses during math classes important?

It improves division.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/westsoutheast
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Viagra is now available in a teabag format. It doesn't improve your performance...

....but it stops your biscuit from getting soft..

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project you’re working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!

Multi-level marketing

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you seen a gentoo penguin?

Such an improvement over the Gen1 models!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stihoplet
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
🚨︎ report
So, you do understand how constantly treating life like an improv class is unhealthy right?

Yes, and?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crownamedcheryl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a country of male deer with no capacity for self-improvement?

Stagnation

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
It's true whiskey improves with age.

The older I get the more I like it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/herumdegumff
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Bought a new padlock to improve my beehive

Now it’s in-bee-leavable!!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
During lockdown my origami skills have improved...

Tenfold

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The mods have a new way of improving the jokes we submit. They now add smell to all the jokes and rate them according to their odour. One mod adds some floral funniness, another tweaks them with sweet smile appeal and a third makes sure they contain a few obnoxious puns.

From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Improved
πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MFrisch14
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ?

I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the Home Improvement store this weekend and walked past the stud finders...

The noise was unbearable.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The benefits of beer listed in bullet pints:

🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.

🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.

🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.

🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.

🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.

🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.

🍺 Beer may help improve memory.

🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend found a sturdy piece of lumber to place within his guitar to improve the vibrations...

It was a soundboard

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Who improved the art of stealing to perfection?

Rob Boss.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I just invested in a company that will pay me to keep t-bones and rib-eyes in my freezer to sell when the market improves...

I'm a steak-holder.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried old spice today

Didn’t really improve my Chinese food

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shshsvsveh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My English skills and mental health need improvement, but my math skills are fine.

Me grammar sucks and i is imaginary.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bdiscer
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a book on how to improve your memory.

Forgot where I left it.....

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wentwiththeflow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
They should improve their marketeang
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chorima94
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Day 8: I used to be hokey pokey

But then I turned around

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzatron574
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My ex-wife still misses me

But her aim is starting to improve.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the most recent Vietnamese automobile?

It was Nguyen improved.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Gradually improving at binary
πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OnlyUsesFourWords
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of vitamin improves your eyesight?

Vitamin see!

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyMarkGamer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
YOU KNOW YOU’RE A DAD WHEN…

β€’ you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.

β€’ you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure you’ll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.

β€’ you change your car’s oil exactly every 2,000 miles.

β€’ mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.

β€’ you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.

β€’ your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daviscojokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
With daily practice, the lumberjack’s musical ability improved

logarithmically

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I must admit my wife's cooking has really improved....

That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report

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