We shall not flail!
👍︎ 59
💬︎
📅︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A man filling his car with gas, got some gas on his arm. He got in his car and lit a cigarette lighting his arm on fire. He flails around and other patrons help him put it out, just then 2 cops roll up...

They arrest him for waving a fire arm.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
[Request] Need puntastic suggestions related to flail!

Hi punterific people!

I'm a YouTuber that loves puns and use puns regularly in my videos when I play games. I'm having some new graphics donr for my channel and I want to change my 'saying' to reflect the punny part of... Well.. Me :)

The new art depicts my avatar (Game kNight) weilding a shield and a flail - and I want the saying to reflect something in that regard. I persistently play games to win (as if anyone did otherwise) and don't like failing (like most other gamers?);

Thoughts up until now: Flailure is not an option - for me! (but for the enemies I face is implied) Flailing is an option (because facing me will get you flailed) I will not flail you!

Hope you can help me out!

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/Shadewarp
📅︎ Mar 11 2017
🚨︎ report
A daring pun train.

A soldier drags a power cable across a battlefield. He is leading the charge.

A stray bullet breaks the cable and the soldier gets electrocuted. He was shell shocked.

The soldier starts flailing, hitting another soldier. He was charged with assault.

The charge jumps to Soldier 2 on contact. It became assault and battery.

👍︎ 4
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night I slept like a baby.

I woke up every 20 minutes, flailing about, and I shat myself twice.

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman was at a gas station filling her car with gas

A woman was at a gas station filling her car with gas. She inserted the nozzle and began filling the car with gas. As she waited for the car to fill, she lit a cigarette and began to smoke it. The car clicked to indicate it was full of gas, and she pulled the filler out of the car. Some gas leaked out of the filler onto her sweater arm, and a spark from the cigarette lit her arm on fire. The woman began to scream for help, and waved her arm about trying to put the fire out. A highway patrolman who happened to be nearby ran over and saw the woman flailing about in pain. Without hesitation, he pulled his handgun out of the holster and shot her three times. A few weeks later in court, the judge asked the patrolman why on earth he shot that woman? The patrolman answers, "well your honor, she was waving around a firearm!"

👍︎ 61
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 23 2017
🚨︎ report
What did Helen Keller say when she fell in the well...

... (flail hands and fingers wildly).

How come nobody heard her... ... she was wearing mittens!

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/OilPhilter
📅︎ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report
You wouldn't believe what I saw on my way home from work last night.

Okay so I get off at 4:00 and I didn't waste any time leaving the office. Shut down my computer, grabbed my keys, and I was on the road by 4:05. It had been a pretty crazy day and I was ready to get home.

As I'm driving home I notice I'm running on Empty. I probably could have made it home but I was really craving a Coca Cola so I decide to stop at the nearest gas station.

Anyways I'm filling my tank I see an old lady a few gas pumps away putting gas in her old beat up station wagon but didn't really think anything of it and just continued to enjoy my icey cold Coca Cola.

Next thing I know I see this old lady holding the gas pump nozzle spewing gas everywhere. I guess she had taken the nozzle out of the vehicle w out disengaging the automatic trigger or whatever but it went EVERYWHERE. Her car, her arms, the ground, all over the place and by the time she got that thing to stop spraying there was at least a gallon of gas everywhere.

So I immediately run over to see if she's okay and she smells like straight up gas. I gave her napkins to dry off her hands and to clean what gas was spilled on the car. She said she was okay and thanked me for my help so I leave and head home.

So now I'm a few blocks from home, driving over the last hill right before my next turn and all of a sudden, almost out of nowhere, she comes flyin past me in that same old beat up station wagon with, I shit you not, her arm CAUGHT ON FIRE. And as if that's not bad enough there are two cops right behind her in hot pursuit. So while I'm freaking out trying to pull over to the side she zooms past so fast I barely catch a glimpse of her frantically flailing her arm out the window as they all go over the hill.

At that point couldn't believe what I was seeing it was just too crazy. So I quickly get back on the road and make my way over the hill and I spot her. She's pulled over in the emergency lane. I see the same old lady being handcuffed and put in the back of the squad car.

Yeah turns out she was arrested for waiving a fire arm in public.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

👍︎ 15
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 29 2015
🚨︎ report
Our 1 year old got super upset when he realized his cup was strawless and we didn't have any straws left.

Watching him wail and flail, my husband said, "I guess that was the last straw, huh buddy?"

👍︎ 45
💬︎
👤︎ u/supcaci
📅︎ May 26 2014
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked in Diablo

I was playing Diablo 3 with a buddy of mine. I picked up a piece of vendor trash called "Baroque Grand Flail". I said "I thought Baroque was a type of music?" - my buddy said "Well if it's Baroque you might as well fix it". I could almost hear my Barbarian groan.

👍︎ 15
💬︎
👤︎ u/rikeus
📅︎ May 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Another teacher joke, though he was probably a dad too.

A friend of mine had a teacher in high school that, like many others, would write notes on the overhead or the whiteboard and, like many others, would end up standing in in the way of the text sooner or later.

If a student would ask "Mr. ____, can you move?" implying that they need him to move out of the way of their view of the text, he'd reply "Yes, I can!" and jump up and down in place, flailing his arms.

👍︎ 6
💬︎
👤︎ u/ZenKeys88
📅︎ Sep 14 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.