That’s a rational expression.
πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chocolaterush
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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You know that expression "a watched pot never boils"?

Because when you watch it, you put it under pressure!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thenolanful
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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Do you know where the expression, β€œbe there or be square” comes from?

If you’re not there, you’re not around.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/batmanjerkins
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
🚨︎ report
polynomials (algebraic expressions) are not to be confused with poly gnome meals (food for plastic gnomes)
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tananar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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What do you call a trite verbal expression that just falls flat?

A Latitude.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JojoBaliah
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
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If I had a pound for every time I misunderstood a common expression,..

I’d weigh a ton.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
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I wasn't amused when my friend stole my equivalent trigonometric expressions

Identity theft is not a joke.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyInFridge
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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What is an isotope's favorite mathematic expression?

Poly-nomials

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffyglof
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
🚨︎ report
The expression "Red sky at morning, sailors take warning" is really foreboding.

Get it? For boating?

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freddy_schiller
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2014
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From r/funny: visual word/expression joke
πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2013
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I really like the expression "Son of a biscuit"

It just rolls off the tongue.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thejerg
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2015
🚨︎ report
How do you pre-order an expression?

You Face-book.

Dad Side note: What's a facebook? is it a face you can read? is it a book you can make eye contact with?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wormri
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2016
🚨︎ report
A colleague's friend named Heidi can't do expressions due to botox...

I guess you could say the botox is Heidi-ing her expressions!

(I am not well liked at work today as I've been on form with terrible puns)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HadrasVorshoth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Not an express pun, but great pun- based game.

It's called Punfound, on android and ios. Check it out!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/graybush333
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2016
🚨︎ report
I came home from work upset. "My boss fired me because I expressed my opinion," I told my wife.

She said, "That's a human right."

I said, "Yes, my boss is a human."

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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Walking around the mall with my daughter and we decided to go down a level. She expressed disappointment the elevator was broken,

I told her, " The escalator is just like an elevator but with extra steps."

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Training-Brick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
My therapist just told me that I’m completely incapable of expressing my feelings.

Can’t say that I’m surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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I wanted to crack a joke on trains. I could not EXPRESS it well

Think, I'll need a COACH

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slypikachu69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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β€œMy fifth grade teacher started the first day of school by expressing her doubts and apprehension for the year ahead.”

β€œOh, that’s awful. Who was that?”

β€œMiss Givings.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sellwinerugs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about Russel Crow's recent problems with cannibalism? At first he expressed shame about eating the mother of two.

But upon further consideration he was gladiator.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AShiggles
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I have difficulty expressing myself.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Can I express the right orientation?
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my buddy if he wanted to know what the word β€œthe” was in Spanish. He expressed his disinterest and I responded with...

your los.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rscott1691
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My child recently told me that their gender can't be expressed by an integer fraction,

I'm supportive but that just seems irrational.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigGayDinosaurs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I worked with this guy Rob once...

...who was trying to hide he was bald. He damaged his hairpiece, not sure how, and was having a new one shipped to the office.

He was already kind of embarrassed and told us all, if you see a package for Peters (his last name) just put it on my desk. So I happen to be the one who sees it and as I'm bringing it to him my other coworker Paul asks what I have in my hands.

"Oh this?" I say, "this is Rob Peters' toupee, Paul."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JSNhova
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I want to Express my daughter's age as a fraction 6/12, 9/12, 16/12 etc.. my wife is really upset about it.

In our house It's really causing some division

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lornstar7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I wonder if there will be a term for a President who’s been impeached twice

At least I know there won’t be two terms!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Agrajag22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Not just barbers

Quirky animal lovers use their hare to express themselves

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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Polar express
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emo_rat_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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When You order some High Speed Trains from Ali Express... youtube.com/watch?v=5LwMp…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bad_Bobby2009
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey y'all, I thought Panda Express didn't have MSG in it...

...but I keep finding all of these MSGs in my fortune cookies.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Not mine but hay, its still pretty good
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/W4ffl3copter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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I see there's a new express coffee delivery service in town

It's call Purcolator.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moosetappropriate
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I dropped the perfect terrible pun at work last winter...

So there were 6 of us...

With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)

There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".

Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"

The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.

Best day of my comedic life

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a girl group that consist of failed fashion models.

They are called One Expression

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TL4Life
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do the green aliens from planet express order when they’re at the bar?

Duclawwwwwwwww

Edit: **Pizza Planet. Coffee had not kicked in yet.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmyb55
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a tree express its feelings on a stage?

Through a mono-log.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/axeteam
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What do breast pumps and I statements have in common?

They help you express yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grandviewsurfer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Taylor Swift could further increase her revenue by opening an express alterations shop

and calling it Tailor Swift

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timeexterminator
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
How does Tom Hanks express his gratitude?

T.Hanks

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealisticFake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the water express its feelings?

Because it was all bottled up.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Express train to hell. imgur.com/09X5ikf
πŸ‘︎ 344
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πŸ‘€︎ u/v_cleaner
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2016
🚨︎ report
Nice and dead behind the eyes for my own pun
πŸ‘︎ 951
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emilyallday
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL: The new popular therapy technique calls to express anger at everything, no matter how small the issue may be.

It’s all the rage.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The Doors, in 1966, heard the news about Buddhist monks performing acts of self immolation. After listening to what was occurring, they decided to make a heartfelt song to express their solidarity with the Buddhist plight.

And that’s why we have a song called β€œLight my Friar”.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wyllyam1111
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My therapist just told me that I’m completely incapable of expressing my feelings.

Can’t say I’m surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 825
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My therapist just told me that I'm completely incapable of expressing my feelings.

Can't say I'm surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 175
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report

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