A lot of people accuse me of plagiarism.

But those are their words, not mine.

πŸ‘︎ 775
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Theunkillable
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend accused me of stealing his thesaurus.

Not only was I shocked, I was appalled, distraught, surprised, and taken aback.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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When my boys were playing ball, they accused me of spraying the ball with the watering hose. I didn't spray it.

I mist it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brichouse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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If Mark has been accused of plagiarizing my content; Mark!? My words.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HowToFailAndWhy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife just accused me of having zero empathy.

I don’t understand how she can feel that way.

πŸ‘︎ 137
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rafwaf123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do mansplainers get their water?

From a well, actually..

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/safiyah-l
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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Mona Lisa was once accused of murder....

Turns out, she was framed.

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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What did the Mandalorian bodybuilder say when he was accused of taking steroids?

This is the Whey.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/N11Ordo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I have been accused of writing a long series of messages about the song "I'm Too Sexy"

But I would like to reassure everyone that I did not write said thread.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Bowling Pin say when it was accused?

β€œI’ve been framed!”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeerMan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been accused of being a plagiarist.

Their words, not mine.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of being immature.

I told her to get out of my fort.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives. I said, β€œAbsolutely not! No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact..."

"I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine!"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
If a male person bursts into laughter...

... can he then be accused of manslaughter?

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blan_Uator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
There is no month that accuses someone of speaking a falsehood!

July.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Computant2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just been accused of reposting a Dadjoke about Time travel tomorrow...

...That's Preposterous.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been accused of stealing other people's jokes

This post says otherwise

Edit: Wow someone gave me my first plat! As thanks, I'd steal make a post that says it all but this has already been posted before

Edit 2: thank you for the gold and silver!

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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I had a dream where I was a wharf accused by the state of committing a crime...

I had a right to trial with a jury of my piers.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was always accusing me of being a cross dresser.

So I packed up all of her clothes and left!

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HassanMoRiT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I just saw a homeless man get arrested for cloaking himself in a blanket the cops falsely accused him of stealing...

It was a bum wrap.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My father was in the army...

And I remember he used to be stationed in exotic places all over the world. Once he came back home with a very exotic looking bird. I asked him what kind of a bird it was and he told me it’s a rare almost extinct species called a Foux (pronounced Foo). This foux was the apple of his eye and he would take care of the bird as if it was his own child. Sometime during this period the Foux began developing a real bad case of constipation and my father was really worried about it. He tried all kinds of medicines to make the Foux pass it’s bowels, but nothing was working. One day, during this period, I woke up to a huge argument taking place between my parents. My mom was accusing him of cheating on her during one of his tours, she had found some pictures of him and another woman and he was denying it vehemently. I realized then that my father had been quite the philanderer and this wasn’t the first time he had been caught. My mom was trying to get him to just admit to his indiscretion.

β€œWhy don’t you just admit it Harry”, she said;

but he stuck to his denial,

β€œYou think I could ever do something like this Sarah”, he said.

Right then amidst all this ruckus, the Foux began to take a dump, in the middle of the living room.

My mom looked at the bird, then looked back at my dad and with a sense of resignation she just said β€œWell if the Foux shits...”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RangaRedRascal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
If you have a bad stutter, never accuse your wife of being a "hoarder."

Severe head trauma could result.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad, that man accused you and Mom of being something called pyromaniacs. Is that true?

Yes, we arson

πŸ‘︎ 279
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A person was accused of burying someone in cement

but there was no concrete evidence.

πŸ‘︎ 474
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thisboishere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Some guy just accused me of breaking into his car and stealing his subwoofer.

It was a bassless accusation.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of trying to win every argument we had...

So I told her why that was wrong.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xakik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I was accused of taking soap making ingredients from the department store...

They're all lyes!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Five Cowboys have been accused of robbing a glue factory

They have denied it, and they are sticking to their guns!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A lot of people accuse me of plagiarism

But those are their words, not mine.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Theunkillable
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is always accusing me of having zero empathy.

I just don’t understand why she feels that way.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife just accused me of having zero empathy.

I don’t understand how she can feel that way.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife just accused me of having zero empathy.

I just don’t understand why she feels that way.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I was accused of being a plagiarist.

Their words, not mine.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of being immature...

I told her to get out of my fort.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProGamer14719
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I was accused of being a plagiarist.

Their words, not mine.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherfigure1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of being immature...

I told her to get out of my fort.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awburrou
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
At the casino a woman accused me of assault

And I say "But I'm the blackjack dealer, it's my job to hit people."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nicholas-Pressey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...

I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."

πŸ‘︎ 22k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives

I said, I don't hate your relatives, in fact, I like your mother in law a lot more than I like mine

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bluetoken12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been accused of being a plagiarist.

Their words, not mine.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pedantichrist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been accused of plagiarism

Their words, not mine

πŸ‘︎ 235
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doogyboogywoogy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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